NO ----- No thanks!

When I tell someone new about my daughters, it is difficult to balance their stories. I want to make sure they understand how, when given the opportunity, these precious souls have changed their world, my world, and everyone who meets them. We expect or at least hope that when a child is born into a family that their most human needs will be met. We expect them to be fed when hungry, comforted when sad, smiled at to show love, and laughed with for humor. With this formula you expect a degree of success, a child who can show love, discipline, and ambition to achieve.

Of course we all know children that even with a "normal" family there can still be problems.

But for my daughters and others who are adopted, little is known about their early days. The history is either not recorded, vague, or if known, the opposite of what we "wish" for a child.

For Grace and Annabel, there is not much history. The chance that we will know if there are siblings in their family, where the birth parents are, and the circumstances that required them to be abandoned is fairly slim. DNA testing may progress until a network could be established, but for the meantime, we are left mainly with unknowns.

This is National Adoption Month.

If even one person who reads this and considers adoption, the possibilities are endless.

There are so many children who need a "forever" family and so many families that need these wonderful children.

One website that I like to see is www.rainbowkids.com. On this list are "waiting" children from all over the world. This is where I found Annabel.

Annabel's history is even sketchier than Grace's. And while the past is important, the future is where the promise it, and the present is what we get to enjoy while pursuing the future.

I titled this post, NO --- No thanks!

When I first adopted Annabel and she was offered something she thought she might not like, her emphatic response was NO. there was no reasoning with her or even getting her to "try" just a bite.

This week someone pointed out how polite she is; when offered something she does not want, she responds, "No thanks!" She has learned and continues to learn. She has learned to share love and knows to expect it in return. She has learned there is food tomorrow, as well as today. She has learned there is one "forever" mom who holds her best interests at heart.

There are also grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles who love her and she loves them. There is school to go to, bikes to ride, neighborhoods to explore. But there is also a small child whose background is unknown and a mom who HAS to watch for those things that may still need help to overcome

Pumpkin Pie

I think I need to set my alarm earlier.

This morning Grace woke me up wanting me to fix her hair. I can barely open one eye and she is standing there with her brush and 2 rubber bands waiting on me to fix her hair! I did get it fixed before she left, but not while I was still in bed.

This was the first time that we had piano after the girls staying until 5:00 at school.

I picked up the piano teacher's son from dance before picking up Grace. Annabel has decided she needs to stay home with Mom and Dad while we are gone to piano.

My passengers then are a first grade guy and Grace.

I guess I feel compelled to make everyone comfortable so I talk none stop. I told Grace that he was studying tap. No, not studying tap, taking tap.

The conversation turned to their Thanksgiving feast they served for lunch at school today.

Grace enjoyed the turkey, but Annabel was suspicious of it and had a burrito instead. Can you see our Thanksgving table? If she had chosen a sandwich or just the vebgetables it would not have been as funny, but a burrito? And with strawberry milk! Bleaccchhhhh!

Our guest explained that the dressing tasted like the inside of carpet and looked the same too. I don't know if that is the paddding or not, but think he is right on a lot of dressing I have had.

Grace mentioned they had pumpkin pie for dessert. But not the regular kind, this had the bread on top too. So this pumpkin pie had bread on the top and bottom. Of course I know she meant crust, but could visualize a cafeteria pumpkin pie that was made of 2 pieces of white bread. Yuck!!

Tonight I broke away to the bathroom only to be disrupted with screams and squeals from the kitchen. There was a bug in the drawer! They seemed stumped on how to take care of it! So I grabbed the bug spray and drowned it.

Then I knew I needed to clean out the whole drawer, which was the last thing I wanted to do tonight. I really just wanted to sit down. For a minute. That's all. But I unloaded the dishwasher to reload it with everything in the drawer. Bless Annabel's heart. She kept offering to help but I knew I could get through faster along. Besides I would really rather she eat 2 oranges than help with something so simple. She had stuck out her tongue at me earlier and I tried to explain that was not appropriate to do to your mother. We'll see.

I'm not sure what has changed, but tonight Annabel was shouting Woo! Hoo!, tomorrow is Friday. My sentiments exactly!

How big is the moon?

Between my kids and my dogs, I don't think I have laughed so much in 24 hours in a long time!

First I have to start with yesterday morning. The girls were ready for school early and went to Mom and Dad's for their escort to school. Only Dad wasn't completely ready so he ended up with a girl on either side while he tried to brush his teeth and put on his after shave. My daughters have trouble with boundaries. Such an understatement.

Trying to answer questions while you brush your teeth is difficult. Anyway, I think Dad thought I had just been exaggerating about how many questions they can ask but got to see it first hand. The whole concept of after shave evoked a lot of questions.

Soon after we returned from China I went through a time where all my small electrical appliances broke, my small tv, my clock/radio, and my hair dryer. Money has been so tight I chose not to replace any but the hair dryer so the girls would not go to bed with wet hair.

For an alarm I have used my cell phone under my pillow. It can really surprise you.

But I woke up to a bigger surprise that both dogs had joined me in bed and both girls were petting them. A few more boundary issues!!

My alarm goes off plenty early but the girls were already up and dressed.

Grace admitted that they had slept in their clothes!!! They were concerned they would not wake up early enough to have breakfast and pack their lunches, so they got up after I turned out the lights and got dressed and back into bed! I asked if they slept in their shoes and socks too, just kidding them, but Annabel assured me they did not have shoes on, just socks! I'm still laughing about this! I can't imagine sleeping in their uniforms, polo type shirts and khaki pants! Why do I waste money on PJs??

Breakfast was ramen noodles! My toast seems so lame compared to theirs.

In an effort to save money, I've been looking for a good used car.

I really liked one I saw last week and the salesman called tonight to say if I didn't put down a deposit I would probably lose out. Not what I planned to do, but the girls and I went to have another look.

On the way there we were admiring the beautiful full moon. Both girls seem so in awe of the moon. Ms. Wu explained to Grace that there are rituals and "prayers" you say to the moon for your family in China. We have seen Annabel stare at the moon mouthing something at times.

Tonight though, Grace informed me that the moon, of course, is not nearly as big as it seems or looks.

I really am not sure how she came up with that. I tried to explain that the moon is like a planet (ok, I know it is a star) but did not know how to explain that it is actually a lot bigger than it seems.

After our unsuccessful attempt to buy a car, we went to CiCi's for dinner. I haven't been there in ages and remember why now. Too much!! Annabel had 5 pieces of pizza, 2 bowls of soup, and tried one more piece as we were leaving!!! Less than 3 months ago she refused to even try pizza.

Since the dogs did not get to be walked tonight we had our kong throwing contest instead. These two dogs are too funny!! And very entertaining. But not nearly as much as my girls!!

More unknowns

Our attempt at congee was met with approval for breakfast. I'm still not sure we did it right. It looked like paste, kind of. Now I just need 1000 year old eggs evidently to make it complete!

On one of my yahoo groups there were the results of a survey of children being tested for kidney stones as a result of the melamine in the baby formula, possibly in the milk, and other food products.

The results were alarming and more widespread than originally expected. The age of the children affected was much higher and the time of adoption much broader. The greed of these companies potentially will have lifelong effects on these children.

I am so glad that we have an appointment with the International Adoption Clinic in December.

Annabel's ear seems to continue healing. She is bothered by sounds that were not problems before. I am expecting that to mean she is beginning to hear again. But we won't know the extent until January.

Schools seems to be all right. If nothing else, she is thrilled to go each morning. Her after school activity was computer class. She complained about something in the class being too long and too wide. I can't translate that. The keyboard? The length of time of the class? I don't know!

Today marks 2 years of losing Jana. I wish she and Annabel would have known each other. Too difficult to write more tonight.

Congee and how did I get here?

Trying to post seems more difficult now and I am not sure why.

I have it all planned out in my mind while preparing dinner or cleaning up and then when I finally sit down, I think my brain is fried and don't want to appear boring, so I don't say anything. Which is just so totally not like me.

My life has changed so much that when I sit back and take account of it I can do nothing but thank God for where He has brought me.

There have been so many circumstances in the last few months where I realized I had choices to make, two roads to choose, and at the time wondered how and why I chose the one I did.

I can see even from here, that with some subtle changes I would not have arrived in this place. I thank God for guiding me when I was not sure. I thought I wanted the white picket fence, with 2.5 kids, and a husband who watched every football game. Instead He had a different path, a different purpose.

How God chose to bless me with the daughters He picked in a country so far away is amazing. So I don't have the white picket fence, the husband, or the .5 child (unless the 2 dogs count!), but I have an amazing life with two wonderful daughters.

Now don't think it is all sugar and spice and everything nice. In fact we have joked that Annabel is "sweet and sour" and Grace is "spicy" in reference to the seasonings that go with Chinese food. But when you put these flavorings on your food, it makes it so much better.

Our days start in a way I NEVER could have imagined.

Grace was up at 6:33 a.m. so she could get dressed and out of the room first. She has evidently woken up several mornings "left" alone and wants Annabel to understand how it feels. I don't think Annabel will get the message though.

Before I can wash my face, Grace has started their breakfast, my coffee, and working on her lunch.

Who is this child?

Last year she and I slept until 7:33 a.m. and barely made it to school for the tardy bell.

Grace and Annabel enjoy their chicken noodle soup after toasting their bread for sandwiches. Still the craziest lunches in the world. I need to find some thermoses so they could take noodles, but the cheapest I have seen are about $10.

Poppa has been taking them to school giving me a few minutes to get out the door myself.

I vaguely remember a time when no one depended on me to get up and breakfast was never chicken soup.

This week they were to start an after school program and not be home until 5:00. I actually had the idea I would get home and ride my bike before they got home. And cook dinner, maybe make some homemade noodles and sew a few dresses. OK, so I am not Frances, our neighbor who could accomplish that before anyone else woke up!

Instead I made a quick detour for more fruits and vegetables, something we run out of often, then barely home as they arrived.

Communication is still such an issues and even though I thought Annabel understood, she decided did not want to stay for the golf/tennis class and began to cry. Talking to her later I realized that she just did not understand that the coach would be there shortly and when he had not arrived in what she thought was a reasonable amount of time decided she wanted to go home. Grace walked her home and I am just glad that Mom was here to meet them.

Grace stayed for Jeopardy and enjoyed it very much. She tried to remember EVERY single question!!

I don't know if this is the way that all the older children are, but mine do not know how to fill "down" time. They need guidance in what to do if there is not a structured environment. I am guessing there were not a lot of freedoms in the group home and/or SWI.

So since everyone was through with homework and they could not decide what to do I put them to work.

They peeled, cut, and sliced all the vegetables into a big pot of chicken soup. Seems to be the only thing I can think of that everyone will eat.

They wanted to do more!

I meant to cut up only one avocado for the soup, but ended up with a big bowl of guacamole instead since each wanted to peel and dice!

Afterward we put the rice cooker to a new challenge - making congee.

When Jana first adopted Darcey I remember her talking about the babies eating congee. I thought it sounded so odd and no one seemed to know for sure what was in it.

One of my older adult couples, who are originally from China, tried to tell me how to prepare congee today. Yesterday at the Chinese restaurant, the waitress tried to tell me. I think something was lost in the translation though as Annabel told me to soak the rice for 1 year, rather than maybe one night.

We will know for sure in the morning. I couldn't find that dried shredded pork so we are using dried shredded beef.

The weather was changing and I wanted a front row seat. I convinced the girls to meet me on Grandmother and Poppa's porch and see if they would come out too.

Before I knew it I was the only one left waiting on the weather to change and the storms to arrive. I found them all in the den watching the end of "Antiques Roadshow". Who are these people?? Grandparents and granddaughters watching Antique Roadshow together on a school night! With a major storm blowing through!

The weather didn't change fast enough and everyone had to go to bed anyway.

Mom and I talked about how the girls behaved on their trip to Paris to meet Aunt and Uncle. Mom said that Annabel took my oldest aunt's arm as she tried to get out of the car and walked her all the way into the house. Grace took care of my cousin's daughters and both entertained themselves while the adults talked. Mom was so proud of them. I am too.

I know we are still in our honeymoon period with Annabel. I know we are probably facing some difficult times ahead, but right now I want to enjoy this life that this road took me to.

Old friends and New friends and a child's imagination

This has been a weekend of reconnecting with old friends for me, as well as meeting new ones.

Peng sounds like pon yo is the pinyin for friend. There are accent marks but I don't know how to type them in here.

Friday afternoon we headed to Denton, which is not that far from Dallas. Denton was my home long before I thought of becoming a mom. I moved there while completing my masters degree and returned for a job at UNT. I had not been back since I moved to Dallas almost 9 years ago. It was where I bought my first house, met lifelong friends, and enjoyed the sense of a small town.

It seems like a lot of people have fallen in love with the smaller town too. Traffic was bumper to bumper the entire way. The girls were distracted by Barbie Island Princess and did not notice.

Our first stop was a drive by of my first house. In the dark, I was so surprised at how difficult it was to find. I thought I would always be able to zero in on this house forever. Grace understood but for Annabel explaining things like this are difficult. I guess it is probably difficult for Grace too. Life before her doesn't make sense!

Our next stop was my friend's house for dinner. It was so nice to see longtime friends. The girls were so impressed that they had a whole room dedicated to fun, they had never seen something like that. From a tv dedicated to Wii to a piano, and everything in between.

It was difficult to drag them away, but Annabel was anxious to get to our next destination - the Chinese church of their music teacher.

For a church service that began at 8:00 on Friday evening just steps away from a major state university, it was amazing to see so many college students there to worship. Every seat was taken. Of our trio, Annabel was the only one who understood what was going on but I felt it was important for us to provide this opportunity for her. The sermon was on a variety of philosphers and how their teaching falls short of the love of God. The woman sitting beside me explained that for many in attendance, they have been raised as atheists in an environment where saying the wrong thing has dire consequences.

After the service was dinner. The girls were thrilled with "homemade" Chinese food. Annabel described another breakfast favorite and someone translated it and told me how to prepare "porridge".

Getting home at midnight felt very late!!

Breakfast was the new porridge, a cup of rice, lots of water, and the rice cooker. I did not have one of the key ingredients, dried shredded pork. It was suggested I could use salted bacon, but opted for sliced ham instead. Annabel isn't sure I did it right, but after 3 bowls it must be good enough!!!

The girls went with Grandmother/Grandfather to visit aunts and uncles in Paris.

I stayed home because I had planned to work on a planter at the girls' school in memory of Jana. It is a huge mess overgrown with weeds, trash, and shrubs that are out of control. But before I could even start, I was stopped. To try to explain why I was not allowed to simply try to beautify an eyesore, I can't. I thought I had contacted all who were involved but at the last minute someone else put a stop to it.

I hope to have better news on this soon.

I received a call from a new friend in Canada. They have adopted an older daughter too and reading her blog seems like a reprint of mine. Our daughters are experiencing similar issues in their adjustments.

Although money is very tight, I had set up an appointment with the dog trainer to help with some HUGE problems we continue to deal with our dogs. I felt like I had taken my car to a mechanic. Our dogs were absolute angels sitting ready for their next command. The second she walked out the door, the barking and jumping started again. I think I should have taken notes.

This evening we visited another old friend. It was fun to reminisce about our performance on the three legged race. I think that was the one and only time I had practiced for an event and the only time I ever won.

They were clearing out clothes, toys, and accessories and my girls were able to find LOTS to love.

My daughters have broadened my circle and continue to bring old and new friends into our lives.

A child's imagination can be pretty funny.

When Gillian was about 4 she invented a complete baseball team. She had coach, Tasic, Luna, and several others on this team. On New Year's Eve while sitting in the back seat with her in her car seat, Gillian casually announced that Coach had called and there would be no practice tomorrow.

Darcey would tell us about what her Chinese mother had taught her such helpful things as tossing her panties across the room. Now Darcey was adopted at the age of 11 months and I don't think she had ever had a pair of panties by then.

In our kitchen, we had a taller table with stools where we have most of our meals. Annabel was telling how her Jiangxi Bobba had a REALLY TALL table with REALLY TALL chairs. Ours was almost short compared to her Jiangxi Bobba's.

When we were at the church in Denton, their teacher told me how Annabel said she had had lots of Mommas and Bobbas, including a white couple, some missionaries, and others. There is nothing documenting any of these "families". I'm not sure but that is the first time I had heard of any of this. She has told her teacher lots of intimate details about her life. I am glad she has a good friend who shares a common language to share this about her past. I am anxious for her to be able to share anything she wants with me. I just hope it is before she becomes a teenager and then doesn't want to share anything!!!

It's been a while

This is the longest I have gone without posting and lots has gone on in a week.

Our country has made history with the election of a new president. This in some ways has caused a number of concerns for me. Not who was elected, but with Annabel's lack of comprehension of English, I did not try to explain the situation to her. Yet here she is living through history. I worry about when she will catch up. Social studies, science, are not being taught, other than what she can absorb through observation.

In their classroom they had a mock election last week.

The teacher strongly emphasized her choice of candidates which caused Grace considerable questions wanting to know who I planned to vote for, how would I decide, and just what did it all mean.

Grace knows little about the current president, but can tell you all about the Civil Rights Movement.

I have to admit, I just feel more pressure to make up for the "holes" in their education based on their lack of comprehension of English. I don't know if they can catch up. So many borrowed worries!!!

Annabel is seeing differences in her hearing.

She complains daily about things being too loud.

I don't know how long it has been since she could hear about of both ears. But this adjustment for her has been difficult.

Our first week without daylight savings time has been difficult.

Almost every night we have had errands to run, meetings to attend, doctor's and dentist's appointments. This has interferred with our bike riding. Which has interferred with working some of Annabel's energy out before bedtime.

Starting next week the girls will be able to participate in after school programs. For Annabel we chose basketball, golf, and tennis, along with computer. Grace chose Jeopardy, arts and crafts, computer, and science. I am so glad that Annabel will have the opportunity to explore some sports. She shouted Woo! Hoo! when we acted out basketball.

We plan to meet Ms. Wu tomorrow evening for a church meeting conducted in Chinese. Annabel can't wait! Hopefully we can also meet up with an old friend as well as do a drive by of my first home. A lot of memories in the town of Denton.

Part of my distraction this week has been an effort to set up a blog to record memories about my sister Jana who passed away almost 2 years ago. I still haven't accomplished that and need help in how to allow others to post to it. I have also identified a planter at the girls' school that needs a LOT of work and plan to do that this weekend. Balancing the present and the past while worrying about the future has worn me out this week.

I'm wondering if I post an email address on this blog if that would provide some of you a place to send us a message? I need more information before making that choice.

A lot of memories this weekend

Halloween on a Friday is a mother's wish or at least this mother's wish. I know bedtime will be delayed and even more difficult with too many pieces of candy!

When I adopted Grace, we returned home on October 3 with only 28 days to Halloween. For this little 6 year old, she embraced everything about it. We went to Target and bought the first of many costumes for that year. I was so shocked at how much the costumes cost and guessing what she would like that I initially bought a fairy princess dress up outfit. She wore it to Mom and Dad's early the next morning to also meet Uncle George.

The problem with the dress up outfits is that they are made for really young children. It was too small for Grace and too cold that morning, but there wasn't enough Chinese or English between us to convince her of that. It even came with little plastic slippers. I still have to laugh to myself at the thought. I was so inexperienced as a mom that I didn't take extra clothes and I actually thought I could come up with a costume that was cheaper. I've learned a lot since then.

I was determined though that we would not be out on October 30 looking for costumes and thank goodness we weren't. Annabel loved her angel outfit and I think it had the feel of something soft and luxurious to her with the feather trim. She tried it on LOTS of times, swirling around, dancing, and looking at herself in the mirror. We got Grace's Cleopatra costume from a neighbor. She too wanted something "elegant" and this fit the bill. A long soft purple dress trimmed with gold netting sleeves, Wow! I really wanted her to find a devil costume but the humor was lost on them.

But when it comes down to it, the purpose of Halloween is the trick or treating. There is nothing in China that is comparable to Halloween, no holiday where you go door to door dressed in costume asking people for candy! I did with Annabel like I did with Grace and we practiced ringing the door bell, saying "trick or treat", and then the reward of candy. This probably teaches a number of lessons that requires psychological intervention later!!!

Halloween was Jana's favorite holiday (next to her birthday). It will always be hard to face Halloween without thinking of her, but it also provides lots of great memories. Marcie and Drew have come to my rescue starting last year by planning out our path to ensure the greatest haul.
So our weekend started with dinner at Grandmother/Grandfather's house before setting off with Marcie and Drew for trick or treating. Grandmother made a big pot of soup that included the addition of rice. She knows her girls!

But another important lesson I learned with Grace is that passing out the candy is almost as much fun as getting the candy. I promised not to answer the door while they were gone so we did not run out of candy.

When they returned, Annabel took 2 small chairs from the house, set them up on the sidewalk, and then proceeded to holler, "Happy Halloween" every few minutes. Each guest was rewarded with candy, but Grace has learned to mete it out slowly making it last a LONG time. There was a lot of discussion between the two of them on the appropriate amount to give.

Annabel was so excited about the whole thing and again reminded me of Grace her first year. She was so sad if a passing car did not deliver children to our door. She hooped and hollered and Grace could not believe that SHE had ever been that way.

Saturday we visited a new school for next year. Our new Colorado friend, Holly, suggested looking into an IB school, which is an International Baccalaureate school. This one looks great and seems to be very ethnically diverse. I believe they have about 1300 students with a waiting list of 1700. Obviously others have found it to be great as well.

Annabel was upset that she would have to change schools but it was nice to find someone who could explain in Chinese so she could understand.

Then there was a church party at some friends' house. Annabel was excited to go to Beth and Josh's house and I kept thinking she remembered going there. But we had not been since she came home. BUT when we got through she could not believe they had WATER in their back yard! Yes, the pool water was chilly but she and Grace got almost as wet as if they had been swimming.

Books were due at the library and the only one with children's Chinese books is downtown. Across the street from where we parked used to be a restaurant that I went to often with co-workers. That was in the 80's and such a whole world away. I have lost touch with those co-workers but think of them often. How different my life would be if I had remained on that job. Most needed to anesthesize themselves with smoking and drinking to get through the stress. I'm so glad I got out of that environment.

The downtown library is a magnet for those with no where else to be on Saturday afternoon. It is a delicate balance trying to teach the girls to be aware of their surroundings, stay close, but not be afraid just because someone is different. Grace's big concern about returning to China was seeing the people begging on the street. But I want to instill empathy, responsibility, and care/concern while keeping themselves safe.

This morning it was hard to explain daylight savings time ending, but I knew we would end up at Chinese school and hoped someone could explain it there. I mean it is difficult enough to explain to someone who speaks English! I think Annabel thought we were tricking her into missing Chinese school.

We visited a church that I thought would have a large Chinese population. It seems the only member was actually from Taiwan and we met her in the parking lot.

Four years ago when I first adopted Grace, Jana dragged all of us there because she saw they had ESL classes for people who speak Chinese.

What we didn't know then were the only people speaking Chinese were the older adults. The kids all speak English and trying to learn Chinese. Of course just the opposite for us. But they were thrilled to see a young child who spoke Chinese and I can remember how scared Grace was with all coming at her, pinching her cheek, speaking loud and quickly asking a ton of questions. We didn't go back until today and it has changed so much.

We are making a concerted effort to ride our bikes each night.

This brings a ton of memories for me. I am back riding the same streets in the same neighborhoods. I just wish I still had my sting ray with a banana seat. We expand our ride a little more each night and sometimes I think I will just have to walk home! Tonight we took a wrong turn and ended up on a dead end street and had to go through the alley. I broke a promise I made a LONG time ago, to never ride my bike through the alleys. My cousin Dubby and I got in trouble for it one times. We would cruise up and down like we owned the neighborhood, but when our mothers found out we were using the alleys as short cuts, we got in trouble.

The girls were watching a Disney movie and it was emphasizing the combining of 2 worlds. That is what it feels like we are doing. My old memories combining with my new life with my daughters.

Trick or treat!

Huge Thanks to Marcie and Drew (her boy according to Annabel. her husband to the rest of us) for taking the girls trick or treating. I know it was more fun than having Mom around and they probably went much further than I would.

Halloween photos

Here are some photos that Drew and I took while taking the girls trick or treating last night. Annabel was scared (although she did not want to show it). My hand hurt by the end of our journey because she would tighten her grasp on my fingers every time we would turn to go up a sidewalk. All in all, we had a great time. I'm sure they are already looking forward to next Halloween!

-Marcie