The tooth fairy calling!

This recovery is taking too long!

My girls have been so sweet trying to take care of me, but they need attention and I am ready to move it from me to them.

Still not up to speed yet, so want to make a quick post.

This week on our way to karate the discussion of the tooth fairy came up again.

One night recently Grace got up and pulled her own tooth without even telling me! Then she went into the kitchen and got some salt to gargle with to make it stop bleeding! Her explanation was that it hurt, so she pulled it!

So if you have read my blog for any time, you know I am the most errant tooth fairy in the world and the discussion of whether the tooth fairy would come was up for discussion.

Annabel and Grace have decided that the Easter bunny and tooth fairy are not real.

As far as Santa, Annabel thinks that she is not too sure on that one yet!

I really never meant for them to believe in these things so I had always kind of did a soft sell on each, but I guess that is just a rite of childhood to believe in these "gift givers"!

Grace actually received money from the tooth fairy on the first night!

Slowly recovering

This is surely the longest between posts in a while! I still feel like I have anesthetic related amnesia or something. I know there has been lots of research on this topic and some poo poo the idea, but to me it seems very real. Plus the whole trauma of going through surgery, not just on me, but on my family.

So even though it has been a long time, this will still be a short post.

This morning Annabel and I work up early, well early considering it was a holiday.

Penney's has some clothes on sale that the girls must have so we planned to go early and hope that I can last that long.

First Grace came in showing me her tank top was almost as long as her shorts.

Then Annabel came in wearing jeans, a long sleeve Christmas shirt, and a coat.

My yin and my yang.

Pollinating your ice cream!

Picture this:

We are driving home from the Chinese market, right at twilight, when traffic seems to be the worst, and I am juggling an ice cream cone, swerving to avoid sudden stops on the freeway, when Grace asks:

"Mom, is ice cream pollinated by air?"

HUH???

She continues, " Ms. Dunham told me that everything is pollinated either by air, bees, or something else that I can't remember. So is ice cream pollinated by air?"

I got an immediate vision of a beautiful pasture with ice cream cones populating the field like wild flowers and started laughing so hard I was afraid I would crash!

We went on to Annabel wanting to know if ice cream was made out of ice or cream or what.

I'm not sure that Grace understood or was convinced that neither ice cream cones or milk are pollinated by wind.

We have had such a great weekend, it is hard to see it end.

Saturday started with breakfast at Applebee's for a fund raiser breakfast for a friend's baseball team. Although Annabel was intent on not liking the pancakes, she ended up eating all of them, as well as the sausage. The rest of us knew we liked pancakes and sausages.

Annabel is going through a stage of not liking foods that she has been eating and not understanding the English words I know she uses and knows.

I remember Grace going through a similar stage about the time I thought she was getting comfortable here. Maybe they finally get comfortable enough to make more choices for themselves!

The rain that was supposed to end by noon kept on all day, so this limited outdoor activities, especially the new basketball hoop!

Late in the afternoon we headed to the Chinese market to stock up on noodles and look for any other delicacies. I think I am feeling guilty about being laid up again for a few weeks and wanting to make sure they have their favorite things. Plus it will make it easy on me to have plenty of noodles on hand!

We can spend a LOT of time looking through all the aisles in the Chinese market and always wish I had a guide to help me know what to buy and how to prepare it. More than one time the girls decided they missed a certain food but that I would not know how to cook it! I think they remember the noodles that I tried to prepare and they ended up molding before I could figure out how to cook them!

We toured through most of the other shops and stumbled on 2 books in Chinese that Annabel thought she would like, Little Women and a comic story she remembered. It is so difficult to find anything in Chinese that is appropriate for her age. We bought quite a few in China, but now wish I could fill up a whole suitcase full for her.

Since we had not had Chinese food in a while I was determined to remember which restaurant along the row was supposed to be the best. I think I found it since there was a wait to get in and the menu was written in Chinese so Annabel could recognize some things she was really hungry for! They ended up having spicy seaweed, some noodle dish, and then steamed dumplings. The dish I ordered for myself came with rice covered in a hamburger looking meat, with 2 varieties of green things on either side. I soon lost my dish too! That was just what they LOVED!!! Most people left with doggie bags, but we ate everything except my pork chop! The dogs enjoyed it for breakfast today.

As rainy as it was yesterday, the opposite was true today! It was a fantastic, glorious day. Dad had mentioned trimming our tree on the parkway since it is brush pick up week. With all of us involved in trimming the tree it made it a good time until I broke Dad's chainsaw! He creatively repaired it and we completed the job.

A friend had given the girls a basketball hoop and they had a great time with it today! They do very well and made up their own games, laughing and shooting baskets all afternoon. It isn't a standard size hoop, but it didn't affect the fun! Maybe it made it better since they could make a lot of baskets. I keep thinking I should find a basketball camp for them this summer, but the ones I found are very expensive! Over $300 each sounds like way too much just to learn about basketball!

Annabel continues to change, sometimes subtle and sometimes dramatic. Today was the first day that she wanted to sit by me at church. We were also discussing whether I would need to be in the hospital 2 or 3 days, and she said she just hopes that I will stay until I feel better and can come home.

There are only 2 1/2 weeks of school and I hope that Annabel can find some relief for the last few days. They had hoped to have her "help" with one of the kindergarten classes, but last week it was storming during the assigned time.

Ups and downs

This has been one of those weeks where Annabel has had more ups and downs than anyone deserves.

At the end, I have felt like she was intent on doing one of the two things:

Proving to me that she is unlovable, unworthy, unwanted

or

So disappointed in me for believing her teacher over her that she is having trouble dealing with it.

Since our first weeks together, Annabel has settled into a pretty easy routine. There has been no acting out, shouting, screaming, like I read from other adoptive families. Instead misbehavior has usually because she did not understand, not purposely trying to cause problems.

But this week we have both struggled with the repercussions of the meeting I had with the teachers, principals, and counselors this week.

Each day we have struggled with minor incidences becoming major problems.

Tonight we came home from eating out with Mom and Dad, with a little shopping at the end.

She was so quiet and just at odds with herself.

She finally told me that she was filling sick to her stomach.

After a dose of tums, she was back to herself and full of talk and fun.

But each day there has been a little something that just did not set well with her.

I have told her over and over this week that I am here for ever as her mother. No more changes and no matter what has happened in the past, I am not that person. That doing something wrong does not make you a bad person.

She has also refused any compliments, but I did feel good that she came running back for her good bye kiss one morning!

In the meantime, Grace has been attending a human development class. Annabel forgot to bring her permission slip home, so she has been excluded from the class.

This must be the MOST thorough discussion on this topic, only not every thing is completely understood, so every day we are making sure that EVERYTHING is understood! BUT I am thankful I had checked a book out of the library because I wanted to make sure I got it all right and keep the lines open for more discussion when needed!Whew!

I told Grace that Mom had never really discussed all of these things with me, so now I think she has decided she will teach Mom. She has been making her sit down with her and she shares what she learned!

I've continued having problems keeping food down and so the doctor has moved the rest of my surgery up sooner than I wanted. I dread going through that again and don't want to upset our usual routine, but will be glad to finally get it completed.

We are looking forward to the weekend. First thing tomorrow is a pancake breakfast! Yum!

She said, she said...

Sometimes I am a little slow to learn.

My day started with a meeting with teachers, counselors, and the principal regarding Annabel's school progress. The sole purpose was to show me how much they have done for Annabel.

The meeting started with the principal reading a list of things I was supposed to have said at our last meeting. I don't remember everything I said at the last meeting, but can almost guarantee that I did not say they ignored her or made her play on the computer for hours on end.

Actually I had very few problems with the way these 2 teachers had handled things, as I had said over and over again. My problem was with the other teacher, who again "missed" our meeting. He has not been to a single meeting that has been scheduled for Annabel.

And the other problem was a LACK of resources available for the teachers to help Annabel. 30 minutes of personalized attention just doesn't seem like enough.

They reported that when Annabel did not want to do something last week that she threw herself down on the floor crying and throwing a fit.

Just not a behavior I have seen, but I rarely let it get to the point where a fit needs to be thrown either.

They also reported that she NEEDS a LOT of attention. Hmmm, Annabel?

Then they told how she had not been required to sign the behavior log even though she did behaviors similar to others that were required to sign it, but they were afraid she would "throw a fit", so they had decided to make allowances for the cultural differences.

Oh my goodness! Now how is that a help?

So my daughter who is NEEDING so much attention but when she misbehaves you allow it?

I was glad there were counselors there to back me up on the assumption that not signing this log still separates her and makes her "different", a HUGE issue for her.

From one of my earliest contacts with the teachers and principals, I urged them to apply consistent discipline for her as the rest of the class, AFTER she learned what the rules were. She should not be treated differently and exempted when she clearly breaks the rules, like getting out of her seat, requiring "personalized" explanations of assignments.

The counselors wanted to talk further and sign release forms. One counselor will meet with her on peer relations, meaning, face the kids who have been bullying her. The other wanted to provide an ego boost for her, taking her to the lower grades and having her help out in a kindergarten class.

Both ideas are great.

When I finally got home and we sat down to eat, I asked a few questions about what goes on in the classroom. She admitted to jumping up and down a lot during classes, wanted special attention from the teachers, and crying.

BUT when asked if she had thrown a fit and gotten down on the floor, she insisted she did not.

She was very hurt that I believed them and not her. Grace came out and talked to me and said that if Annabel had behaved the way the teachers said she did, she would have known. Whether she would have seen it or not, the kids would still have been talking about it. Good point, Grace!

We talked in detail about her behavior in class.

Here is where I just don't seem to learn.

I told her that if she gets out of her seat, she will have to sign the behavior log, and if she signs it 3 times, and gets suspended, now here is where I got really stupid; I told her that I would take away all electronics for 6 months. No effect. I would take away karate. No effect. I went silly then trying to find her Achilles' heel, but there isn't one.

There is nothing you can TAKE away from her that would have an impact, as this is what has always happened in her life.

People have come in and taken away her clothes, her home and foster parents she knew, her group home and friends, literally she is more familiar with people taking everything away rather than receiving things.

It hit me while we were at karate.

This is not the way to reinforce the behavior she needs to conform to.

We had time to talk again, and I told her I would not TAKE AWAY, but I would ADD TO. If she gets in trouble, then she will need to read more and do workbook problems for 2 hours! Boy she hates that idea.

I am so glad there is only a short amount of time left for this school year. She was finally removed from the teacher's class where the problems seem to stem from, but today they were trying to put her back into it. Their take on what happens in his class is that he is not loud in stopping behavior like bullying like they do. She told me again tonight that he did not stop the kids when they start saying mean things to her. I believe her perception on this is what counts!

Dogs in the house!

Tonight I am sure that Marcie and Drew's house is cleaner than ours.

While trying to prepare dinner for another family, the girls decided they wanted to play outside.

They were cleaning up something and wanted to give the dogs a bath.

Only the dogs did not want a bath!

In the meantime, the police helicopters and news helicopters were circling around and very loud. (There had been a car chase for a stolen car which ended a few miles away. It just added to the confusion at our house!)

So on our deck are Grace and Annabel and the dogs, a water hose going, shampoo, helicopters circling, Grandmother trying to help, and I am in the kitchen trying to cook.

All of a sudden in comes Ollie, followed by Nina, followed by Annabel, followed by Grace, and a trail of shampoo and wet dog circling the entire house, barking, shouting, dogs running, and girls yelling!

Finally the dogs were captured and returned outside to complete their baths.

Only the water hose somehow sprayed Annabel until she was dripping wet. I am sure it was an accident, don't you? Grace got wet enough that they both had to get right into the shower, so now I have a pile of wet clothes and dog towels!

I cannot imagine why our house does not seem as clean as Marcie and Drew's.

PLUS I must surely be the messiest cook in the world! While they worked their magic on the rest of the house, the kitchen looks like I must have fed an army a 5 course meal!

The dogs do smell better though and dinner was a success.

Happy Mother's Day!

In China, there are two women who gave birth to two little baby girls just over 11 years ago.

Because of their circumstances they were unable to keep their daughters.

BUT because of their love they placed their daughters where they could be found.

And because of this, I am a mom. I hope I can provide the love and care these mothers wished for their children when they made this heart wrenching decision, to help them develop into the people their birth mothers hoped and dreamed for them.

Last weekend when we were in ER with Mom, I simply could not allow myself to even conceive of the idea of something happening to Mom. My mom has been with me through some very difficult times. She spent a LOT of nights perched on a radiator/air conditioning unit when I was having brain surgery. Most recently she spent two nights in uncomfortable chairs in our hospital after my surgery. But with her there, I knew I was taken care of and could rest.

She is also the best grandmother in the world and I am glad to be a mom so she can be a grandmom AGAIN! Not that she has a lack of great grandchildren, but living next door provides plenty of opportunity to spoil her closest two!

And they love her and tend to her making sure she is taken care of! Annabel has started grabbing her by the arm and walking her to and from the car. And when Annabel has a hold of you, you know it! Tonight Mom cooked dinner and I left Annabel to help clean up the dishes, while I cleaned up a project we had started, and Grace did homework. Annabel banned Mom from her kitchen and jumped in unloading and reloading the dishwasher.

Marcie, my niece, and her husband Drew, had everyone to lunch at their house. What a fantastic treat! The food was delicious and we enjoyed all being together. Mark and Martha surprised me with a Starbucks gift card. MY FAVORITE!!!

My only gift I wanted was a nap this afternoon. Although I had one, there was more than one time I was woken up by the very loud whisper of "MOM" followed by something terribly important. Then the dogs came through several times barking, and then I decided to give up!

Saturday was supposed to be our biggest event of the year. Last week at this time all the news was still around the swine flu, so I chose to postpone it. So it was very strange to be off on a day that is usually so busy that I want to sleep through Mother's Day.

The girls were registered for another class at Lowes and made cute planters for Mother's Day. Since Dad was with us, we made REALLY QUICK trips to the dollar store and Ross, but spent plenty at all locations!

Mom wanted and needed a new sweater. I had almost bought one last weekend but at Ross found I could get 3 for the same price as one! Sounds like a commercial. Since I was in a hurry and found lots of good choices, all on sale, I just bought them all! Now hopefully she won't be cold.

We managed to fit in a trip to Sam's and then dinner at El Fenix, before I finished the day off with mowing our yard. It was a great day with lots accomplished.

The previous week was difficult, waiting to hear the test results for Mom and in the meantime I began throwing up after every meal, which gets old in a hurry. I now know what an upper GI is (Yuck), with the result being the need for the other part of the surgery needed much sooner than expected.

Thank goodness there are only 3 weeks and 3 days left of school. I am anxious to see what the plans are for Annabel to learn everything before the end of school.

Today Grace asked what I used to do on the weekends before I became a mom. I simply cannot remember, but guessing it was not nearly this much fun! She also commented that Marcie and Drew's house was a lot cleaner than ours. Surely not! She said there just wasn't as much stuff in their house. I explained that with kids it does add to your house. She wanted to know if I was disappointed that ours looked like it did. I told her I would not change it for anything!

I need a cell phone!

When Annabel was asked if anyone had talked to her at school yesterday, she told Dad, no, she didn't have a cell phone!

OK, that was not the talk I was expecting!

Yesterday I met with the principal and assistant principal to discuss what could be done to help Annabel through the rest of the school year.

While there have been attempts to help her with her adjustment to the English language, there has also been the continued bullying. It is amazing how many people I have heard from that were bullied. The only person I remember trying to bully me was stopped very quickly when my cousin threatened to beat her up. Yes, he was willing to beat up a girl for me! It was great to have a defender!

What I have worked and worked with is trying to assure Annabel that she has a defender in me and the rest of her family. Slowly I see her crossing that big divide and learning to rely on me as mom.

So none of the changes promised by the school took place yesterday, I have high hopes that some will occur today.

I need her out of the environment where she feels threatened so she can learn and some counseling to help her understand she is able to trust adults to help, not just punish her.

This week has been great because my niece Katie came to help out because of her concern for Mom. Katie is the one who came and cleaned, organized, and decorated our house while we were in China. I was glad we had it in good shape when she came so she would know how very much I appreciated all her hard work.

With Katie here, Mom has been able to take things a little slower. Thankfully she had Katie because I have been so distracted with the school and work, that I have not been much help, other than serving char burned burgers Sunday!

Last Friday the hospital threw a party to celebrate my 10 years of employment. It is VERY significant to me, as I have never worked that long in the same job title. One of the best parts of my job is planning programs to help educate the public. Being a breast cancer survivor myself, it seemed like a great idea to do something annually to remind women of the need for early detection and treatment. So the Pink Ribbon Tea party was started. It is always the Saturday before Mother's Day. This year it did not seem prudent (a good George Bush term) to continue with the plans with the threat of the swine flu. It has almost been as much work to postpone the event as it is to plan it. As soon as I announced we would delay the tea party, the CDC announced we should return to "normal". Life, funny, isn't it?

This morning as I am trying to pick up a little before rushing out the door, it dawned on me just how great a support group we have around us. The kindness and love shown me celebrating my employment to the care and concern about mom to the candid remarks and sharing from others who have been through similar situations as Annabel, humble me. Whether you are near or far, your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Today was the meeting with the principal and assistant principal.

I had all of my documentation with me of all the times I had made contact with the

Good friends!

Too bad Annabel is so afraid of these doggies! Just kidding!

Mug shots!

Our cute muts being easily distracted. Too bad they didn't look the other way too!

Swinging

Everyone has loved Katie being here. She decided to show the girls how she swings!

Next door is good

Tonight as we came back into the front door, Annabel stopped as if a light had gone off in her head and said, "it is good that we are so close so if Grandmom and Poppa need us!". AMEN, Annabel!

Last night we had a first hand experience of why it is so fortunate that we are so close.

But I will get to that in a minute.

Annabel had announced Friday night that she was tired and planned to sleep until 10:00 Saturday morning. She reminded me that she was still tired from our road last weekend and that it had been a hard week.

Of course she was up early!

We headed out to pick up our fruit and veg coop shipment, buy gas, and came right back home.

All I really wanted to do for the day was sit and read. I'm struggling with deciding whether to postpone our big event next Saturday, and hoped I could find my answer. Some time on the deck with a great Alexander McCall Smith book, seemed to be the best idea!

Annabel has a LOT of trouble filling "down" time, so she came out to keep me company. No time to think!

The back yard was way too high and knew it needed to be mowed before the rain hit, so it was time to get busy.

Everyone pitched in reworking a flower bed and moving stepping stones, my park bench, and just general cleaning up. The whole time we were working Dad kept saying that it was tornado weather. The humidity was so high, it was overcast, and very still.

We finally found a stopping p0int and got in right before the storm hit.

Dad was pretty close on the money when you see what happened to the Cowboys' practice field. The lightening and thunder were scary. It looked like it was striking right in the front yard.

When there was a break, we had dinner, girls had showers, and we watched the new Jonas Brothers show.

It was time for my shower and Grace came running in saying that Poppa had called and there was something wrong with Grandmommy.

So with shampoo still in my hair, I tried to get out as quickly as possible, dressed, and over to see what was wrong.

Mom had been talking to my aunt and suddenly could not make the words come out. She told her that she had to hang up and then told Dad what had happened.

So I quickly try to remember what are the symptoms of a stroke and after Dad had checked her blood pressure, Annabel gave her an 81 mg. aspirin, I asked if she could tell us the name of the president.

You could see that she was stumped by the question.

I asked if she could remember the one before the current president.

Again, she could not.

I asked if she could tell me the names of the girls sitting on the couch.

She could not.

OK, that was all the evidence I needed to rule we had to get to the hospital.

The three of us ran home and changed from pajamas, got shoes, and locked up the house. The whole time I am trying to decide what were my options for the girls but decided we didn't have time to work it out at that point.

Thank goodness the hospital is SO close and they triaged her immediately with an EKG performed within a few minutes of arriving.

Knowing the ER waiting room is not the best place to leave kids, since everyone coming in is sick or hurt, the staff moved the girls into a family room.

I felt the ultimate in being part of the "sandwich" generation, as I made my way from the examination room to the family room, and back and forth all night.

After all the tests, a million texts to Lisa, the doctor announced she had a TIA, or a mini stroke, and she had the choice of going home or checking in.

Gradually she had remembered Annabel's name, and then Obama's name, and finally Grace's name, so she was ready to go home.

Today we had a VERY quiet day ending with me burning burgers for everyone on the grill.

I got my shower tonight, but sleeping with the phone close.

Drastic measures

Yesterday I took a drastic step and filed a complaint with the Office of Civil Rights regarding the treatment of Annabel at school.

Once I went back through my notes of all the things that had transpired and the treatment she had endured I just wanted to cry. It has consistently been an issue. She has been harassed and discriminated against because she is Chinese, I believe.

If Spanish had been her primary language there was plenty of help, but nobody could bother since she spoke Chinese.

Over and over the students have been allowed to pick on her, kick her, spit on her.

In discussing it with a counselor I realized that the "orphanage" mentality is still prevalent because she has also endured additional punishment from the teachers whenever she reported the harassment.

She cried to Grace the other night that she did not want to be labeled a "Mommy's girl" so the kids would not pick on her. Grace was trying to convince her to tell me more of what was going on.

That is another thing that bothers me. I only know about the events she has reported to me. There have surely been so many more.

I tried to go higher through the school district to resolve the issue but was told that I had to fill out a form to request help and the only place that form was available was at the school. When I went to the school they did not know where it was or what I was talking about.

I tried to reach our school board member with absolutely NO response.

This week there were two situations, one by the students, the other by the principal. This is after meeting and assurances that it would NEVER happen again, if it REALLY did happen because they were convinced it was just that she misunderstood.

In going back through my notes I found where the teacher whose class most of the instances have happened in told me on October 30 that due to the language barrier that he could not help her and she just did not understand. Then on November 2 he told me that he had a talk with her and explained that the kids weren't being mean, she misunderstood.

That is phenomenal isn't it? If you have tried to learn Chinese, like I have, after several months of class I gave up. He learned it in 2 days!!!

The counselor also told me she was concerned about lifelong repercussions of the bullying. I can't let this go on.

I had left a message and emailed to the school after what happened Tuesday. I finally got a call back Thursday afternoon asking if I wanted a meeting with the teachers again.

I started to agree then decided that was a waste of time. I have done that over and over. I will meet with the principal and the assistant principal, but also ready to see if the media is interested in treatment of a student whose primary language is not Spanish.

I am thankful we have today to basically do nothing. I always hope that time spent together, especially when Mom and Dad are involved, that we can rejuvenate and recharge her and let her know that she has a family who is here to love and support her.

Out of gas?

Tonight after Annabel had eaten 2 1/2 ears of corn and after she had already eaten 3 bananas, she announced that a boy in her class had run out of gas today.

Run out of gas?

Yes, he had been tooting a lot during class and he finally ran out of gas!