She said, she said...

Sometimes I am a little slow to learn.

My day started with a meeting with teachers, counselors, and the principal regarding Annabel's school progress. The sole purpose was to show me how much they have done for Annabel.

The meeting started with the principal reading a list of things I was supposed to have said at our last meeting. I don't remember everything I said at the last meeting, but can almost guarantee that I did not say they ignored her or made her play on the computer for hours on end.

Actually I had very few problems with the way these 2 teachers had handled things, as I had said over and over again. My problem was with the other teacher, who again "missed" our meeting. He has not been to a single meeting that has been scheduled for Annabel.

And the other problem was a LACK of resources available for the teachers to help Annabel. 30 minutes of personalized attention just doesn't seem like enough.

They reported that when Annabel did not want to do something last week that she threw herself down on the floor crying and throwing a fit.

Just not a behavior I have seen, but I rarely let it get to the point where a fit needs to be thrown either.

They also reported that she NEEDS a LOT of attention. Hmmm, Annabel?

Then they told how she had not been required to sign the behavior log even though she did behaviors similar to others that were required to sign it, but they were afraid she would "throw a fit", so they had decided to make allowances for the cultural differences.

Oh my goodness! Now how is that a help?

So my daughter who is NEEDING so much attention but when she misbehaves you allow it?

I was glad there were counselors there to back me up on the assumption that not signing this log still separates her and makes her "different", a HUGE issue for her.

From one of my earliest contacts with the teachers and principals, I urged them to apply consistent discipline for her as the rest of the class, AFTER she learned what the rules were. She should not be treated differently and exempted when she clearly breaks the rules, like getting out of her seat, requiring "personalized" explanations of assignments.

The counselors wanted to talk further and sign release forms. One counselor will meet with her on peer relations, meaning, face the kids who have been bullying her. The other wanted to provide an ego boost for her, taking her to the lower grades and having her help out in a kindergarten class.

Both ideas are great.

When I finally got home and we sat down to eat, I asked a few questions about what goes on in the classroom. She admitted to jumping up and down a lot during classes, wanted special attention from the teachers, and crying.

BUT when asked if she had thrown a fit and gotten down on the floor, she insisted she did not.

She was very hurt that I believed them and not her. Grace came out and talked to me and said that if Annabel had behaved the way the teachers said she did, she would have known. Whether she would have seen it or not, the kids would still have been talking about it. Good point, Grace!

We talked in detail about her behavior in class.

Here is where I just don't seem to learn.

I told her that if she gets out of her seat, she will have to sign the behavior log, and if she signs it 3 times, and gets suspended, now here is where I got really stupid; I told her that I would take away all electronics for 6 months. No effect. I would take away karate. No effect. I went silly then trying to find her Achilles' heel, but there isn't one.

There is nothing you can TAKE away from her that would have an impact, as this is what has always happened in her life.

People have come in and taken away her clothes, her home and foster parents she knew, her group home and friends, literally she is more familiar with people taking everything away rather than receiving things.

It hit me while we were at karate.

This is not the way to reinforce the behavior she needs to conform to.

We had time to talk again, and I told her I would not TAKE AWAY, but I would ADD TO. If she gets in trouble, then she will need to read more and do workbook problems for 2 hours! Boy she hates that idea.

I am so glad there is only a short amount of time left for this school year. She was finally removed from the teacher's class where the problems seem to stem from, but today they were trying to put her back into it. Their take on what happens in his class is that he is not loud in stopping behavior like bullying like they do. She told me again tonight that he did not stop the kids when they start saying mean things to her. I believe her perception on this is what counts!