Three strikes

Last night, Annabel finally told me what had happened at school in the afternoon program.

She had found a ball on the playground on their walk down to the nature center, where they have their program on Wednesdays.

While she was showing the ball to her "friends", one girl spit on the ball.

Yes, you heard me correctly. She spit on the ball.

I was flabbergasted. Why would she spit on the ball?

Because she wanted it and thought Annabel would drop it then. BUT they had done it to Annabel before and she decided this time to hold onto it.

Do you see the steam coming out of my ears?

I am so upset that any child has such a lack of upbringing that she would think it is appropriate to do something like that.

Now in China everyone spits.

When I first adopted Grace, she spit at the table even. If you get something that doesn't seem right while eating, you spit it out.

BUT it was also one of the first things I worked with her, that it was not acceptable in our culture to spit.

Now to have someone spit on something that Annabel was holding makes me livid.

This is the same little girl that has caused so many problems and swore her undying devotion to Annabel at first.

If you have not met Annabel, you might consider her what most stereotypically think a Chinese girl should be like.

But that is not Annabel.

She has so much spunk and wit and kindness, all wrapped up in this tiny package that has seen more hardships that should ever be allowed, with a pretty solid outer shell. She makes me think of both of my grandmothers, one that could fight bears, and the other, I can't explain but at times feels she is a reincarnate of my other grandmother. Neither were lacking for spunk and both seemed pretty solid.

So here is my little fighter of bears who continues to be defeated by bullies in her class.

I try to think of ways to help her face these kids, whether to stand up to them, report them, ignore them, but none seem to be the way Annabel wants to handle it.

We talked in detail about that she is the one who has to make the change, as no one else can control these kids' behavior. Obviously not their parents, or else their parents act as badly.

Last night in our prayers I included a special one that my girls could learn to control their own behavior around people who did not treat them right, as I have explained, this will happen all your life.

This morning I took charge of the breakfast prayer and reiterated my plea for God to help both in their dealing with others, to befriend appropriate kids, and learn how to deal with others.

Annabel has begun giving me a hug in the afternoons, ever since my surgery.

Today she avoided me like the plague. She hemmed and hawed and finally told me I would be mad.

She had gotten her third strike.

Evidently after three strikes then you are at risk of being suspended for three days.

OK, deep breath and the question, "what happened?"

There is always one kids in every class who looks like he or she has been held back at least twice and stands a good six inches above the rest of the kids and probably outweighs them by 50 pounds.

Well this kid is forever telling Annabel that she stinks and then makes a farting noise.

Annabel has a long tolerance level, evidently, but today it snapped, and she tried to kick the boy.

The teacher, same one where most of these things happen in his class, asked what the ruckus was.

Well each kind of told what had happened.

The teacher asked the kid if Annabel had tried to kick him and he said no, but then another kid, who was so not into this whole conversation jumps in and starts saying Annabel did too kick the giant kid.

So she was required to sign the book and as they changed classes, this teacher told the next one that she had gotten her third strike. Annabel was devastated.

I talked to her.

Mom talked to her.

Dad talked to her.

I have also tried to explain that she cannot tease and "pretend" punch or kick and not expect to get into trouble, that people do not really like that kind of behavior.

For all the wisdom she brings and maturity on more complex matters, Annabel is really immature for her age in dealing with her peers.

No, she was not in trouble with me and I was not mad. I would be if she just jumped up and kicked someone, or said something bad about them, or she had started it, but no, under the circumstances, I was not mad. And if she gets suspended, we will deal with it then.

In some ways Annabel wants Grace to rescue her, but Grace is somewhat reluctant as she does not want the attention drawn to her. She has learned to ignore them or report it or at least threaten to report them to the teacher.

I don't know what to do.

Grace asked me very casually the other morning whether you always had to deal with bullies. Yes, unfortunately there are quite a few adults who like to bully others and so you have to learn early how to deal with that issue.