Annabel's First Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, like Halloween, is a holiday with nothing comparable in China.

So it makes it more than difficult to explain even why we have Thanksgiving, the meaning, the history, and our interpretation of it.

She was much more focused on a lot of food and family and that's all that really mattered!

Gillian was the big help in the kitchen willing to take on any chore, recipe, or sampling needed. She does quite well and I think more than anything enjoys the company in the kitchen, learning from the teacher, Grandmother!

While Gillian, Mom, and I were cooking, the other three entertained themselves with roller skating. Dad made sure they made it up there and back safely, which resulted in bruises on Dad's arms.

As much as she looks forward to these gatherings, I think they are pretty difficult for Annabel.

She loves to be around everyone, but the conversations can go so quickly that she can't keep up. Even with the other three girls it is difficult. I realized that at home and even at Mom and Dad's, we allow her time to tell a story, which takes a long time, and we take the time to explain everything to her.

I know her hearing has improved greatly, or seems to have, but with the fevered pitch of so many voices on so many levels, I think it makes it more difficult for her to hear.

So out of our 4 girls, then I have a special concern for each. Annabel's you read about often. For Grace, she is so torn between her new life as a sister, but the comfort and love she feels for Gillian, especially, but also Darcey. For Gillian, I am hyper vigilant that something will be said or done that could hurt her, memories that are painful. She asked me to help her out when someone asks too many questions, questions she doesn't know the answers to. I told her my promised to do everything I can to ensure she is never sad, but for so many things, I cannot protect her, like love, which causes a certain amount of sadness. I just wish I could be there for her more often.

That leaves Darcey. Darcey is the reason I have my daughters. Her kind and sweet spirit touched me and motivated me to pursue adoption. At times, Darcey comes over and just throws her arm around me and leans her head on my shoulder. I realized tonight that Gillian was giving her cues about not talking too much or too loud during dinner. She really doesn't need this direction, as she is so quiet and so subdued. She actually went back to bed for a little while this morning. I don't think I have ever seen her do that.

But with the four girls, there is a new dynamic. Gillian and Grace continue to be pals, almost as if they are a LOT older than the other two (even though Gillian and Annabel are only 2 days apart!) and Darcey and Annabel are a new team. Annabel insisted on Darcey trying to skate. She also tried to get her to ride her bike. She makes sure Darcey has her food and drink and a place to sit. She watches over her as if she is her big sister! It is very sweet.

Tomorrow we are heading to Austin to visit Lisa for her birthday and spend the night. OK, that isn't easy to explain either, but I think she understands enough. Once I mentioned Jiangxi and sleep, she understood and packed her clothes.

I am later getting this completed tonight trying to find the online "Black Friday" deals. I feel frustrated and don't even know where to start. The girls pored over all the ads and circled and marked all the "must haves" for Christmas. Only each one seems to start at $50. If these are big sales, I need bigger!

One thing about our family, never plan on the original plans to actually take place. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Annabel learned a new favorite - Mom's pigs in a blanket. They are delicious but I had tried to get her to taste them before without any luck. Today she decided she loves them. There are lots of buns in China that have meat fillings, but the bun is usually steamed while ours is baked. Same idea, but a different format. I much prefer our version!

A long time friend stopped by on her way from Houston to Denton. I had not seen her since our 10 year high school reunion which was a long time ago. It was a short visit but good to catch up. Our lives have taken so many twists and turns that I don't think either of us could have guessed.

When I got home from work, the girls were busy decorating ornaments. They did a fantastic job. I've got to get my camera ready for pictures tomorrow! Some of these ornaments need to be posted too.

Since it was Wednesday, dinner was at Luby's.

I remembered just three months ago going to Luby's with all 4 girls and Annabel really not understanding anything that was happening. Today she is confident in her choices, understands enough to know we are eating there, and where we are going afterward.

We stopped at the grocery store for just a few items and ended up with 12 greeting cards so I could get 4 stuffed animals free. I know they have plenty of stuffed animals, but these were free and so cute.

The girls were so good during church and everyone was so glad to see them.

After we got home it was back to making Christmas decorations. The girls love to have a project to work on and I'm glad to have the help and their creativity.

We are looking forward to tomorrow. It will be the first time we have had Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's in years. The girls plan to help with all the cooking. They do a great job. I will just be glad if the weather can hold out for everything to get out some.

All of these plans are so different from what we originally planned to do. We were supposed to be in Austin on Thanksgiving but due to multiple changes we will wait to go until Friday. That's Lisa's birthday and we plan to help her celebrate.

Constant chatter, which is great!

On one of the yahoo groups for adoptive parents, the subject of incessant chatter has been causing a lot of stir.

I have laughed so hard reading everyone's problems with this situation. Most felt it was because their children were younger.

BUT I know it has nothing to do with age because my 10 and 11 year olds can talk almost without a stop, even when eating!!This is especially complicated since one needs lots of hand gestures, motioning, and sometimes noises! Rarely is there a pause for the answers before more questions are asked. Never a dull moment for sure!

But today, Mom and Dad had a full complement of constant talkers! They met Chip in Waco to pick up Gillian and Darcey, my sister's daughters. I talked to them twice on the phone and it was difficult to tell who you were talking to since everyone seemed to be talking at the same volume and all at once! These girls love each other so much and had so much to catch up on that it took everyone talking at once, or I guess! I think Dad wished he wore a hearing aid so he could turn it off!

It was great to finally see the girls again. They both have grown so much since August and are just beautiful! They are doing well in school and Darcey was proud to report winning several awards, which I thought she said was words. Winning a bunch of words didn't make sense, so glad they were awards!

It was also great for them to see Annabel and how she has grown since August.

Dinner was great and it felt so right to have everyone together. Lots of lively conversation, contests, and laughter.

It is difficult for Annabel to stay up with the conversation though and Grace feels that Gillian should just talk to her. It will be interesting to see if they can work it out themselves!

I had to be the party pooper though and insist my girls come home and go to bed. The main way to head off any problems tomorrow is if everyone gets a good night's sleep tonight. That includes mom and dad and I knew they did not need 2 more extra girls tonight. Gillian thought the easiest way to settle it would be to go to a hotel so all of us could be in the same room.

Thank you to all for your kind and supportive comments about my sister. It is so nice to hear from you.

Today.

Today.

I keep trying to write about all the other things that happened today but it is hard to ignore that this was Jana's birthday.

When she was younger she would present a list at Halloween of things she would like for her birthday.

She, like Lisa, though regularly had their birthdays on Thanksgiving. Of all the holidays, that is really not a fun one to share your birthday with. Especially since for a lot of those years we would go camping. When we camped it usually also would rain and the weather would become miserable. Yuck!

I really don't know what the protoccol is so we went to CiCis Pizza, the dollar store, and the shoe store we shared so many times.

I won't apologize for being sad. It is still difficult.

The girls were out of school today and looked forward to playing bingo with my older adults at work. You just have to chuckle over the idea of these two little girls competing with all the older people at bingo. They are equally as competitive

After work we had to find shoes that had toes in them. For one thing it is too chilly to wear sandals and secondly their sandals are worn out.

I think we tried on every single pair. Children's shoes seem to be sized at random. By the time we actually found some that fit I had quit looking at the prices and was shocked when the total came up.

My favorite part of Cici's is the cinammony dessert bread.

I had tried to convince Annabel to try it but she was sure it tasted eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww, but tonight tried a tiny bite, broke into a smile, and had 2 more pieces.

She is getting so excited about Christmas. We started at the dollar store to buy some decorative things for them to make this week.

We are so excited that GG and Darcey are coming tomorrow. They get to stay until Friday! Woo! Hoo! I realized that have not been here since August. I think they will be surprised at how much Annabel has learned in the meantime.

Tonight we had to go back through the mom at the foot of the bed to assure safety to go to sleep. Bless her heart! I hope she doesn't do my record setting 2 week stint on Lisa's bedroom floor from being scared of the movie The Exorcist!

Bah Humbug!

If you have a child who still does not want your affection, hugs, kisses, or holding hands, take them to a scary show!

You of course know that this was not done on purpose.

One of our money saving savvy moms had turned us on to the "pay what you can" performance at the Dallas Theater Center for The Christmas Carol.

I was a little suspicious and expected to be seated in the nosebleed section, but the box office lady was extremely nice and explained it was truly what you wanted (or for us could afford) to pay. She said as little as $1 per person. Now that's a bargain. Plus we were on the second row!

Annabel understood the concept of the theater now and she and I counted down the seconds until it began.

Innocently the story was introduced with beautiful costumes, musical numbers, and interesting characters. But suddenly it takes a dark turn as soon as Marley comes to visit.

It was done superbly with lots of lightening and thunder and smoke and then a bigger than life Marley appears.

By now Annabel is holding onto me like her life depended on it. At first I thought she was kind of kidding, but the tightness of the grip was comparable to the number of tears gathering.

But we weren't through being scared yet.

Just as the young Ebeneezer began to talk, a strange loud noise started.

Quickly the young actor was whisked off the stage and an announcement of an evacuation was made. Seems the amount of smoke, candles, fog gathered and did not disseminate as planned.

Now fire drills at school are something that really scares Annabel anyway, but here were adults in the middle of "scary" program all leaving VERY quickly!

There were enough tears to extinguish any fire.

After about 4 months together, this was the first time I had ever seen Annabel scared, much less to the point of tears.

I knew there was no way I could explain that it was just a play because once you are scared, it is REAL to you.

Grace on the other hand, was enjoying the play equal to the amount that Annabel was hating it.

So here I am with a 10 and 11 year old, one begging to go one way, the other the other way.

When the "all clear" was sounded, I agreed to let Grace go back into the theater and thought Annabel would agree pretty quickly.

But soon I realized she was not going to return to that theater.

I know I shouldn't have, but the production was SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD that I called and asked if Mom and Dad could come pick up Annabel. I quickly gave them directions but failed to give detailed directions since I had gotten so lost getting there too.

We began to wait, then I had us go outside and wait, and the whole time I am calling their cell phone and the house. After 45 minutes of waiting for what should have been a 15 minute drive, I assume the worst and just waiting on the sirens to begin wailing to retrieve them from a terrible accident.

They finally call to say they are giving up on finding us and going home! They had left their cell phone in haste, because when I told them about how scared Annabel was, they were quick to act.

They had another evacuation from the smoke, intermission, and maybe one more evacuation. It was finally down to where Ebeneezer sees the light and works to mend his ways.

Since the entire audience had to leave, we took advantage and returned for the last 10 minutes and the infamous "God bless us every one!" from Tiny Tim. I do have bruises from even that point.

While we are waiting on Grandmother/Grandfather, Annabel had us play games. We had to do a jumping/skipping thing on the steps. We danced with my scarf. We jumped rope with my scarf. We cut up the program for origami. She just amazes me how she can have a good time with NOTHING!

I know that it is not material things that my daughters need, other than clothes, shoes, etc, it is these life experiences they need. They need to find out that someone will stand by and protect them when they are scared. That grandparents will leave the warmth of their home and a first run Law and ORder to rescue you. They need to know I have confidence in their autonomy to watch a play by themself.

They need to see and interact with the different people these situations bring.

This is what will prepare them for the future and not just a bunch of toys.

When we got home, Grace and I had to take turns escorting Annabel through the house, even with the lights on. I had to lay at the foot of her bed and Nina had to endure being hugged so closely she almost passed out, but we had to stay until Annabel could feel safe enough to go to sleep.

This weekend had been difficult for me. I feel I am trying to maintain my self worth when those around are intent on destroying or at least chipping away at it.

At work we have these trainings for managers and recently the topic was the difference between leadership and management. I likened leadership to standing on the street corner providing hugs to every passerby, but management is what pays the bills and provides a home and food for my family. So while I continue to work to provide the management of my home, I pray for the strength to do the leadership that reinforces self worth.

If you have a child who still does not want your affection, hugs, kisses, or holding hands, take them to a scary show!

You of course know that this was not done on purpose.

One of our money saving savvy moms had turned us on to the "pay what you can" performance at the Dallas Theater Center for The Christmas Carol.

I was a little suspicious and expected to be seated in the nosebleed section, but the box office lady was extremely nice and explained it was truly what you wanted (or for us could afford) to pay. She said as little as $1 per person. Now that's a bargain. Plus we were on the second row!

Annabel understood the concept of the theater now and she and I counted down the seconds until it began.

Innocently the story was introduced with beautiful costumes, musical numbers, and interesting characters. But suddenly it takes a dark turn as soon as Marley comes to visit.

It was done superbly with lots of lightening and thunder and smoke and then a bigger than life Marley appears.

By now Annabel is holding onto me like her life depended on it. At first I thought she was kind of kidding, but the tighter the grip was comparable to the number of tears gathering.

But

I'm so glad that we had a quiet night because that didn't last long.

On Thursday we had parent teacher conferences, dessert for the teachers, piano class, and then on to the theater!

That doesn't even count visiting the book fair.

Yesterday was also report card day, which was the topic of discussion for the parent teacher conferences. No one can really explain why Annabel's grades continue to be higher than Grace's. The teacher did mention that Annabel tells him no when he tells her to do something. OK, that is not correct and I told him that. She has gotten a lot of attention by being "different" and almost treated like the class "pet". But to be successful she must learn to do what she is told, even though for now it is a different language. She understands basic direction. I regret that any teacher has misunderstood that I think Annabel is "hands off". Far from it.

Schools in China, as well as life for the children in the SWI (orphanage) is very structured. I have been reading interviews with children in China who are eligible for adoption. A comment has been made more than once that they seem to have no concept of time or no interest in what time it is. BECAUSE they have no choices of how they will spend their time. It is structured, there is someone to tell you. Free time is not a normal part of the day. Grace and Annabel have a lot of trouble with "down" time. Whereas most American born children stay distracted with other activities while doing an activity, they can immediately break away and go to that other activity. For Grace she goes to reading, her math work book, or playing the piano. Annabel plays with the dogs, but she is looking for something else, something to play with maybe. When we check out the books in Chinese from the library, she has them read within a few days. I know she needs to be making the adjustment to books in English, but she really does not have enough recognition and comprehension of those words to read. PLUS very simple books are written for much younger children.

Anyway, back to Thursday.

Grace continues to excel in piano. I am so impressed with her ability. She loves to practice and seems to catch the teacher's instructions immediately. The teacher's son rode with us to their house again. Little boys have got a great imagination!!

I had posted a request for free or low cost tickets to upcoming events to our early childhood PTA. I know we used to have a ticket office that sold tickets for half price the day of the event.

But we got even better as my old friend invited us to a parents only preview of Madeline Christmas at the Dallas Children's Theater.

How do you explain live theater?

I called it a DVD. I told Annabel that we were going to watch a DVD. She was OK with that.

When we got there I tried to explain a little more showing the picture of the girl on the program and motioning talking, etc.

Annabel sat on the edge of her seat the entire time.

When they would dim the lights for scenery changes, she would ask , "that all?". No, there as more. During intermission, she came running to me for a pen and paper and did a quick math problem to let me know how many seats were in the auditorium.

She and Grace enjoyed the whole performance. They thought it was excellent! Me too!

Both are fighting a cold and I am glad that school is out for a week. We have another Saturday with little to do, which helps since my expense check did not get processed!

Tonight Annabel had Grace reading one of her Chinese books. Annabel compliments Grace each time on how well she does in reading her Chinese. Annabel will stop and explain parts of it and then Grace will explain other parts as it relates to life here. I am so glad they have each other. They are a good team.

Him, her, he , she

This was the kind of day you really think every day should be.

We all got home in plenty of time to cook, eat, clean up, play Wii, have a short nap (me!), ride bikes, wash clothes, and take showers. I cannot remember the last time this has happened and it is so nice to sit down before 10:00!

Annabel works diligently on her words each evening, but sometimes her pronounciation of a word still is way off. While having dinner she asked who smelled her foooo. I thought she meant that someone had smelled her food, but she meant foot. Of course the idea that someone was smelling her foot while we were eating didn't really make sense until she explained further that it was one of the dogs!

Recently the battery in the smoke detector in my bedroom needed to be changed.

Annabel asked, "Mom, what that noise?"

I asked if she meant the chirping sound.

She said something about it being in my room. Then she asked, "Is that boy in your room?" I have no idea why she thought that a boy (man) was in my bedroom chirping or how I got him in there without them seeing it.

She also has a friend named Coral at school or at least that is what I think her name is. Every time she mentions Coral, I think she is saying squirrel or girl. So by the time I realize it is her friend, then I have forgotten the rest of the story and kind of nod my head in agreement.

Pronouns are the hardest. If she tries to tell a story that involves both a boy and a girl and then switches to pronouns, it is really difficult to follow, so I just nod in agreement!

I realized in working on these words with her that in Chinese there are not rhymes. Each character can mean a group of words even or it might take several to say one word. I worry about her catching up on science and social studies.

For Grace the issue has been politics.

They had a mock election in her class, but her teacher strongly endorsed one candidate and actually made fun of those who did not agree with her. Not surprisingly in their mock election, her candidate won.

Now the discussion has continued and Grace understood that anyone who did not vote for and approve our newly elected president was wrong and doing mean things to him.

I had not felt like she was at a point to get into long political discussions, but I have tried to emphasize to her that the beauty of our process is that you can have differences in opinions. There are at least 2 candidates and you get to choose who you vote for. You do your research to help make those important decisions.

She seemed bewildered.

I explained that the teacher has the freedom to discuss politics in her room, but in her role as the teacher she should have explained both sides.

I think we will have more talks about this soon.

In the meantime, she works on an old math workbook every chance she gets!

Some humor from Reader's Digest!

Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. They often draw scrutiny, since my son's a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.

The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Finally he asked, "Those your kids?"

"They sure are," I said with pride.

"They adopted?"

"Yes," I replied.

"I thought so," he concluded. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small."

This was my last grief support group meeting, which meant I didn't get home until around 6:30.

The girls were at Mom and Dad's, of course. What I was not expecting to find was the entire group at the dinner table and what was left of a big platter of steak. If you ever want to find a bargain, shop with Dad. He can get anything for 1/10 of what the rest pay!!

Mom and Dad now know why I am buying so many groceries. My girls acted like they had not eaten in weeks and kept asking for more. But in the middle Annabel started making plans on lunch tomorrow. She has started claiming the leftovers before anyone has finished eating! Grace has learned the drill too and it was just as well that I was not hungry. I missed out on most of the meal except some green beans! They could not think of a way to take them to school.

When we came home, Annabel had a list of words she needed to learn. She explained that the teacher had not had time to tell her what the words were. So even though she had been practicing writing them, she did not know what they said, or what they meant. I don't know how anyone learns English. Last night one word was "pencil". With the c having an "s" sound. Tonight she had cap, with a hard "c". Learning phonetically does not seem to be working. The word ring stumped her every time.

I think it was about at this point that Grace got so frustrated trying to learn English. I remember talking to her and explaining that it would be so much easier when she learned to speak English. Grace's response was, "English? What English?" It had not dawned on her what the problem was. Annabel is old enough to understand, but that does not make it any easier.

Last night we met a group from church at Golden Corral for the vet appreciation dinner. When you can have all you can eat from a wide variety of food, Grace chose buttered noodles and Annabel had 2 chicken legs! I don't think we got our money's worth on that meal. But we were safe from packing a lunch because they planned to buy their lunch.

Sunday I started working on the planter at the girls' school. I hoped to update it in memory of Jana. When you first look at it you don't realize how big it is. But working to clear the weeds, undergrowth, etc, it seemed to grow. The girls were riding their bikes, but came back to help. They pitched in loading up the trimmings and stomping it down to fit more.

Saturday was a great day with a long list of errands, but a smart mom (me!!) deciding we needed a day at home. My uncle was coming with his new wife, daughter, and long time friend. We were glad to meet the latest additions to our family. It got a little confusing though since the daughter's name is Grace. After they left, Annabel tried to tell about Grace and would start with Grace, but not my sister Grace, the other Grace. Sometimes trying to get into the conversation takes longer than the actual conversation.