Adopting the older child

Some specialists relate the number of years a child is "institutionalized" to the number of years delay to expect for your child. Others compare each month after adoption to a level of development.

Somewhere in there might be an explanation for some of Annabel's behavior OR it could just be Annabel.

We were back at the doctor for the one week post op visit. Her ear is doing well. The doctor questioned if all adoptees transition so easily. He asked again how long she had been in the US. Today is actually our 3 month anniversary of the adoption! He is just overwhelmed with the amount of English she uses and how much it increases each time we see him.

I was interested in learning when we might see an improvement in her hearing and wondering out loud if she would talk as loud then. We won't know if it has improved her hearing for another 6-8 weeks. He commented that she might still talk loudly, that might just be her.

In some ways she makes me think of a toddler at this point. She is so eager to participate, to converse, with SO MANY questions about EVERYTHING! She has the energy and urgency of a toddler exploring the world for the first time. But she also has the spirit of a much older person, experienced in more than what an 11 year old should ever have experienced.

The doctor's office only has valet parking, so while we were waiting on the car was another quick reminder of how different life is now. Grace used to stand quietly beside me. Now she and Annabel are busy doing "rock, paper, scissors", dancing, singing, playing "it". Perfect! Now Grace gets to act like a kid too! This is how they spent the hour waiting on the doctor too!

Last night we took our bike ride. We didn't go far before Grace lagged behind. Annabel looked like she was a member of the Shriners. Her bike is pretty small and she loves to ride it with only one hand. She can't stand for Grace to fall too far behind, so she whips around and goes to check on her. She came back to let me know that -

(You just have to imagine parts of this)

"Mom, Grace bike", hand gesture of squeezing. I think, now what?

"Mom, you know!! Grace bike", hand gesture round, with hand gesture of squeezing. Hmmm.

"Grace's tires are low?"

"Yes, Mom!" Pretty much exasperated with me for being so slow to understand!

Riding on flat tires does explain why Grace was lagging behind!

Annabel insisted that she would walk Grace's bike back, I'm saying that Grace can ride my bike and I will walk Grace's home.

Annabel insists that she will help and Grace could not ride my bike, so Annabel grabs Grace's bike and starts running with it. We had trouble catching up riding the bikes! I told Grace that she was fortunate to have a sister to care so much to take care of her. We finally made it home but I think that Annabel was exhausted.

This afternoon I called because I am staying for Grief Support on Tuesday evenings. Annabel tells Mom she needs to speak to me.

So this is our conversation -

A: Mom, what you doing?
M: I'm at work.
A: Work? What work?

Trying to explain what I do is difficult.

M: I am doing homework. (the only explanation she accepts)
A: Mom, OllieNina, outside, but Nina no outside. Ollie outside, but Nina she stay (something unintelligible).
M: Ollie went outside but Nina wouldn't?
A: Mom, OllieNina, long, white, Nina no go outside. Nina inside long, white, eat.

OK, I have to admit I have NO IDEA where we are going with this conversation, but I start trying to guess.

M: By the table?
A: Yes, Mom.
M: Nina did something by the table?
A: YES, MOM!!!

Beginning to realize how stupid I am sounding because she knows what she is talking about, obviously I'm the one with the problem!!

By then I start trying to hang up because I am not sure what has happened and we don't seem to be going anywhere and I will be late for the support group.

But she continues trying to ask me something else.

When Ms. Wu called last week she invited us to Denton on a Friday evening for their Chinese church service. Since Annabel was not up to an hour long drive last week, I said we might go another time.

So then the conversation started about this:

A: Mom, Ms. Wu call you?
M: No, she has not called me.
A: Mom, we Ms. Wu Friday?
M: No, not this Friday.
A: Mom, Why???

Now this is the second time in my life I have tried to explain Halloween to someone who does not speak English. It is not a holiday that is easy to explain. How do you tell someone they must dress up in a costume and then go door to door asking for candy with a crazy chant of "Trick or Treat"? I'm not even sure if any of the translation programs will explain Halloween!

After many more tries we ended the conversation.

With Grace I had her dress up and we practiced ringing the doorbell and saying Trick or Treat. Maybe that would help out Annabel. I don't think the candy will be the motivation though as she is not sure she likes our candy. I know once it starts she will have a blast though.

This week the school is doing Red Ribbon Week about drugs. Monday they could wear slippers. I left that one alone.

Today they could take a stuffed animal. She didn't care why, just glad she had one to take (wishing the whole time that she had as many stuffed animals as Grace).

Tomorrow they can wear orange instead of their uniform. Lots of question of why with no explanation other than it's just something you can do this week!

On Friday they can dress up as either their favorite character from a book or a vocabulary word. Oh my!!!!