The last 48 hours have been a roller coaster, not just of emotions, but of experiences, settings, people, life.
On Friday night we were at the hotel in Austin, the four girls and me. There were two queen size beds that looked so comfy and cozy and then a rollaway bed. Lisa assumed I would take the rollaway bed, but I slept way too many nights in China on one of those and the beds in this hotel looked like they could provide rest I needed.
I shared the bed with Darcey and she warned me that she sleeps restlessly.
After all the lights were out and everyone else was beginning to drift off, Darcey jumped out of the bed and retrieved her red China bag, that her mother always carried, which now holds all her "babies". She took them out, opened up her ladybug blanket, also from her mother, and placed them each in a special way. I told her they could sleep with us as I know how important they each are, but she insisted they were fine on the floor.
She whispered that she had trouble falling asleep at night, that she had tricked Grandmother and pretended to be asleep. I mentioned that she got sent to bed earlier than everyone at her house and what did she do? She said she just lays there some times but sometimes she talks to her animals.
All night long this poor little baby cried out in her sleep tossing and turning. I don't know if I was much comfort, but I was glad to be there to let her know she was not alone. Somehow though she is always the first one up too.
Everyone found something to eat on the hotel's breakfast buffet, except Annabel. She was suspect of the eggs with sausage that were intended to be a breakfast taco. They just didn't have the congee, tons of bacon, or chicken noodle soup.
The girls loved staying at the hotel.
I've said before that adoptive families start in a distorted fashion with life in a hotel. You can get spoiled to someone cleaning up each day and making your bed, much less if there is a breakfast buffet waiting. So when you return home, it is a double whammy! No one there to clean up after you and prepare your meals.
We checked out hopefully with everything we went in with! Last minute check unveiled Grace and Annabel's dirty clothes in a bag under the bed!
We met Lisa at her house and the girls got to entertain the doggies and Uncle Ken entertained them.
Then even though it was 30 degrees below zero (or at least felt that way) Lisa decided we needed to take pictures at her school and park.
Annabel is learning to "strike the pose" when the camera is turned on her. The other girls are familiar with the routine and know the magic Lisa can do with her camera.
Starbucks provided some warmth and too quickly we had to say good bye.
As we were leaving Austin the girls were watching Nemo.
If you are familiar with the movie, the mother and 399 of the siblings are eaten in the first few minutes and Nemo and his father Marlin are left on their own. You know, if you are tired enough and in a location that already feels sad, that can make you cry. I don't know why Disney always has such sad stories!!
The girls slept the second half of the trip which left me with plenty of time to mentally scan our calendar for the next week. It dawned on me that there is little free time and that the girls had to get their hair cut! So on the way home we stopped and the girls got new do's! Watching our money has changed even where we get our hair cut and we miss our friend Tina and her comedy and great cuts, but when you can get 2 for the price of one, you have to do it!
We ate dinner with Mom and Dad, unpacked, and thought we were heading to bed.
Within a short amount of time Annabel came to tell me that Grace was crier (crying).
It seems that Grace was so sad and lonesome over leaving Gillian and Darcey and she could not go to sleep.
This used to be a regular occurrence, the not being able to go to sleep, but since Annabel, it is the first time.
I decided to lay down with her which is extremely difficult since she has a twin bed that has a body pillow, a stack of her favorite covers, some stuffed animals, her robe, and any number of things in there.
Now I am not a small person, but I managed to curl up at the foot of the bed with my toes clamped around the knobs on her night stand and actually fell asleep!
She woke me up because I was snoring!
I promised to return after the news and when I didn't she came back crying again.
I told her she had to clear some things off her bed for me to fit and we tried it again. The first time either of us turned over I was like the kid's song about the little one said, "roll over, roll over, so they all rolled over and one fell off" and that was me that fell off.
She tracked me down in my bed later in the night and woke me up often to let me know I was snoring.
This was the first Sunday since Chinese school started that we have been back to our church. There was no class today due to the holiday.
I know the girls enjoyed seeing everyone as much as I did. It feels like it has been forever since we were there last!
Lunch, a nap, dishes, dinner, laundry, showers and you don't have much left of a Sunday.
Grace has been back tonight to let me know she is still sad.
Me too.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Our Beautiful Girls
Gillian - Leader of the cousins, planner, creator, clever, and sooo much like her aunts and mom! This child is destined to do great things. She is my mini-me.
Darcey - Total sweetness and caring in a little package, she is the caregiver. Even though she's about to be eight, she will always be the baby. We adore this child. Her mother loved her so much she fought to get her. Thank goodness she did.
Annabel - Very sporty, lively, and fun. She has an electric personality and enthusiasm for life. Annabel may very well be the next Dog Whisperer. She speaks to the animals in a language that needs no translation.
Grace - she's going to be so beautiful when she grows up. :) So much like her mom, taking care of everyone, interested, sharing, caring, providing. How on earth did the Chinese government know there was a carbon copy of Jerri somewhere in the billions of people who live in China? ;)
These pictures ended up posting backwards. Blogger drives me crazy! I forgot to mention that this is Lisa, posting as Jerri, so I could share these pictures. Aren't we lucky to have these lovely girls? They do have older girl cousins (and one boy...) but since they're all grown up, we all share these four as our "babies". :)
Friday, November 28, 2008
Happy Birthday Lisa!
I didn't have a lot of company on the way to Austin as you can see. Everyone had their special way of passing the three hours!
It is 8:00 p.m. and I have three little girls in the bathroom talking like long lost friends. One on the potty, one getting out of the shower and one getting in. One the outside, I have one girl who iss busy cutting up an apple and peeping her head into the bathroom so she isn't left out.
That bathroom has probably never gotten more use, been steamier, or had that odor!
So is that a gross way to start this post?
The four girls have talked incessantly since we left Dallas. They just can't seem to get caught up I guess.
Today Annabel got to meet her other 2 cousins, Katie and Casey, and her Uncle Ken.
She is crazy about all of them and it was hard to tear her away tonight. She especially loves all their dogs and begged to get to take just one home with her.
Listening to her today makes me realize she sounds like a very Italian New Yorker! I never understand where their accents come from, but she is so dramatic in her expressions that you can almost see her saying, I got a deal for you!
Thank goodness our trip was uneventful even though there was rain off and on and it is not nearly as cold as predicted.
We left late because we had to stop and buy gas, but caught up with Mom and Dad at Braum's in Hillsboro.
Everything around Lisa's house has grown up so much and there are now major freeways close to her house. I konw it sounds crazy that I have not seen this since she is only 3 hours away, but the whole time that Jana lived in Round Rock, I always had to go there. Then when she moved to Dallas we only returned a few times to help her pack up and move. There are so many memories through this area I don't know how Lisa has done it. As soon as I saw the words Round Rock it brought a tear, as Jana loved that city.
I remain on hypervigilance for any evidence of the girls being in distress but they have plenty of support and nothing seems to be an issue.
So we made it to Lisa's and immediately took over her house!
This is a reenactment of a picture of Darcey as a baby when she put her head through the doggie door at Lisa's house. I will have to find the old one so you can compare.
Lisa always knows good places to eat and this was no exception. Huge burgers and great fries.
Time to close as it we are in our hotel room and I have 4 really tired little girls.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Annabel's First Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving, like Halloween, is a holiday with nothing comparable in China.
So it makes it more than difficult to explain even why we have Thanksgiving, the meaning, the history, and our interpretation of it.
She was much more focused on a lot of food and family and that's all that really mattered!
Gillian was the big help in the kitchen willing to take on any chore, recipe, or sampling needed. She does quite well and I think more than anything enjoys the company in the kitchen, learning from the teacher, Grandmother!
While Gillian, Mom, and I were cooking, the other three entertained themselves with roller skating. Dad made sure they made it up there and back safely, which resulted in bruises on Dad's arms.
As much as she looks forward to these gatherings, I think they are pretty difficult for Annabel.
She loves to be around everyone, but the conversations can go so quickly that she can't keep up. Even with the other three girls it is difficult. I realized that at home and even at Mom and Dad's, we allow her time to tell a story, which takes a long time, and we take the time to explain everything to her.
I know her hearing has improved greatly, or seems to have, but with the fevered pitch of so many voices on so many levels, I think it makes it more difficult for her to hear.
So out of our 4 girls, then I have a special concern for each. Annabel's you read about often. For Grace, she is so torn between her new life as a sister, but the comfort and love she feels for Gillian, especially, but also Darcey. For Gillian, I am hyper vigilant that something will be said or done that could hurt her, memories that are painful. She asked me to help her out when someone asks too many questions, questions she doesn't know the answers to. I told her my promised to do everything I can to ensure she is never sad, but for so many things, I cannot protect her, like love, which causes a certain amount of sadness. I just wish I could be there for her more often.
That leaves Darcey. Darcey is the reason I have my daughters. Her kind and sweet spirit touched me and motivated me to pursue adoption. At times, Darcey comes over and just throws her arm around me and leans her head on my shoulder. I realized tonight that Gillian was giving her cues about not talking too much or too loud during dinner. She really doesn't need this direction, as she is so quiet and so subdued. She actually went back to bed for a little while this morning. I don't think I have ever seen her do that.
But with the four girls, there is a new dynamic. Gillian and Grace continue to be pals, almost as if they are a LOT older than the other two (even though Gillian and Annabel are only 2 days apart!) and Darcey and Annabel are a new team. Annabel insisted on Darcey trying to skate. She also tried to get her to ride her bike. She makes sure Darcey has her food and drink and a place to sit. She watches over her as if she is her big sister! It is very sweet.
Tomorrow we are heading to Austin to visit Lisa for her birthday and spend the night. OK, that isn't easy to explain either, but I think she understands enough. Once I mentioned Jiangxi and sleep, she understood and packed her clothes.
I am later getting this completed tonight trying to find the online "Black Friday" deals. I feel frustrated and don't even know where to start. The girls pored over all the ads and circled and marked all the "must haves" for Christmas. Only each one seems to start at $50. If these are big sales, I need bigger!
So it makes it more than difficult to explain even why we have Thanksgiving, the meaning, the history, and our interpretation of it.
She was much more focused on a lot of food and family and that's all that really mattered!
Gillian was the big help in the kitchen willing to take on any chore, recipe, or sampling needed. She does quite well and I think more than anything enjoys the company in the kitchen, learning from the teacher, Grandmother!
While Gillian, Mom, and I were cooking, the other three entertained themselves with roller skating. Dad made sure they made it up there and back safely, which resulted in bruises on Dad's arms.
As much as she looks forward to these gatherings, I think they are pretty difficult for Annabel.
She loves to be around everyone, but the conversations can go so quickly that she can't keep up. Even with the other three girls it is difficult. I realized that at home and even at Mom and Dad's, we allow her time to tell a story, which takes a long time, and we take the time to explain everything to her.
I know her hearing has improved greatly, or seems to have, but with the fevered pitch of so many voices on so many levels, I think it makes it more difficult for her to hear.
So out of our 4 girls, then I have a special concern for each. Annabel's you read about often. For Grace, she is so torn between her new life as a sister, but the comfort and love she feels for Gillian, especially, but also Darcey. For Gillian, I am hyper vigilant that something will be said or done that could hurt her, memories that are painful. She asked me to help her out when someone asks too many questions, questions she doesn't know the answers to. I told her my promised to do everything I can to ensure she is never sad, but for so many things, I cannot protect her, like love, which causes a certain amount of sadness. I just wish I could be there for her more often.
That leaves Darcey. Darcey is the reason I have my daughters. Her kind and sweet spirit touched me and motivated me to pursue adoption. At times, Darcey comes over and just throws her arm around me and leans her head on my shoulder. I realized tonight that Gillian was giving her cues about not talking too much or too loud during dinner. She really doesn't need this direction, as she is so quiet and so subdued. She actually went back to bed for a little while this morning. I don't think I have ever seen her do that.
But with the four girls, there is a new dynamic. Gillian and Grace continue to be pals, almost as if they are a LOT older than the other two (even though Gillian and Annabel are only 2 days apart!) and Darcey and Annabel are a new team. Annabel insisted on Darcey trying to skate. She also tried to get her to ride her bike. She makes sure Darcey has her food and drink and a place to sit. She watches over her as if she is her big sister! It is very sweet.
Tomorrow we are heading to Austin to visit Lisa for her birthday and spend the night. OK, that isn't easy to explain either, but I think she understands enough. Once I mentioned Jiangxi and sleep, she understood and packed her clothes.
I am later getting this completed tonight trying to find the online "Black Friday" deals. I feel frustrated and don't even know where to start. The girls pored over all the ads and circled and marked all the "must haves" for Christmas. Only each one seems to start at $50. If these are big sales, I need bigger!
One thing about our family, never plan on the original plans to actually take place. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Annabel learned a new favorite - Mom's pigs in a blanket. They are delicious but I had tried to get her to taste them before without any luck. Today she decided she loves them. There are lots of buns in China that have meat fillings, but the bun is usually steamed while ours is baked. Same idea, but a different format. I much prefer our version!
A long time friend stopped by on her way from Houston to Denton. I had not seen her since our 10 year high school reunion which was a long time ago. It was a short visit but good to catch up. Our lives have taken so many twists and turns that I don't think either of us could have guessed.
When I got home from work, the girls were busy decorating ornaments. They did a fantastic job. I've got to get my camera ready for pictures tomorrow! Some of these ornaments need to be posted too.
Since it was Wednesday, dinner was at Luby's.
I remembered just three months ago going to Luby's with all 4 girls and Annabel really not understanding anything that was happening. Today she is confident in her choices, understands enough to know we are eating there, and where we are going afterward.
We stopped at the grocery store for just a few items and ended up with 12 greeting cards so I could get 4 stuffed animals free. I know they have plenty of stuffed animals, but these were free and so cute.
The girls were so good during church and everyone was so glad to see them.
After we got home it was back to making Christmas decorations. The girls love to have a project to work on and I'm glad to have the help and their creativity.
We are looking forward to tomorrow. It will be the first time we have had Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's in years. The girls plan to help with all the cooking. They do a great job. I will just be glad if the weather can hold out for everything to get out some.
All of these plans are so different from what we originally planned to do. We were supposed to be in Austin on Thanksgiving but due to multiple changes we will wait to go until Friday. That's Lisa's birthday and we plan to help her celebrate.
Annabel learned a new favorite - Mom's pigs in a blanket. They are delicious but I had tried to get her to taste them before without any luck. Today she decided she loves them. There are lots of buns in China that have meat fillings, but the bun is usually steamed while ours is baked. Same idea, but a different format. I much prefer our version!
A long time friend stopped by on her way from Houston to Denton. I had not seen her since our 10 year high school reunion which was a long time ago. It was a short visit but good to catch up. Our lives have taken so many twists and turns that I don't think either of us could have guessed.
When I got home from work, the girls were busy decorating ornaments. They did a fantastic job. I've got to get my camera ready for pictures tomorrow! Some of these ornaments need to be posted too.
Since it was Wednesday, dinner was at Luby's.
I remembered just three months ago going to Luby's with all 4 girls and Annabel really not understanding anything that was happening. Today she is confident in her choices, understands enough to know we are eating there, and where we are going afterward.
We stopped at the grocery store for just a few items and ended up with 12 greeting cards so I could get 4 stuffed animals free. I know they have plenty of stuffed animals, but these were free and so cute.
The girls were so good during church and everyone was so glad to see them.
After we got home it was back to making Christmas decorations. The girls love to have a project to work on and I'm glad to have the help and their creativity.
We are looking forward to tomorrow. It will be the first time we have had Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's in years. The girls plan to help with all the cooking. They do a great job. I will just be glad if the weather can hold out for everything to get out some.
All of these plans are so different from what we originally planned to do. We were supposed to be in Austin on Thanksgiving but due to multiple changes we will wait to go until Friday. That's Lisa's birthday and we plan to help her celebrate.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Constant chatter, which is great!
On one of the yahoo groups for adoptive parents, the subject of incessant chatter has been causing a lot of stir.
I have laughed so hard reading everyone's problems with this situation. Most felt it was because their children were younger.
BUT I know it has nothing to do with age because my 10 and 11 year olds can talk almost without a stop, even when eating!!This is especially complicated since one needs lots of hand gestures, motioning, and sometimes noises! Rarely is there a pause for the answers before more questions are asked. Never a dull moment for sure!
But today, Mom and Dad had a full complement of constant talkers! They met Chip in Waco to pick up Gillian and Darcey, my sister's daughters. I talked to them twice on the phone and it was difficult to tell who you were talking to since everyone seemed to be talking at the same volume and all at once! These girls love each other so much and had so much to catch up on that it took everyone talking at once, or I guess! I think Dad wished he wore a hearing aid so he could turn it off!
It was great to finally see the girls again. They both have grown so much since August and are just beautiful! They are doing well in school and Darcey was proud to report winning several awards, which I thought she said was words. Winning a bunch of words didn't make sense, so glad they were awards!
It was also great for them to see Annabel and how she has grown since August.
Dinner was great and it felt so right to have everyone together. Lots of lively conversation, contests, and laughter.
It is difficult for Annabel to stay up with the conversation though and Grace feels that Gillian should just talk to her. It will be interesting to see if they can work it out themselves!
I had to be the party pooper though and insist my girls come home and go to bed. The main way to head off any problems tomorrow is if everyone gets a good night's sleep tonight. That includes mom and dad and I knew they did not need 2 more extra girls tonight. Gillian thought the easiest way to settle it would be to go to a hotel so all of us could be in the same room.
Thank you to all for your kind and supportive comments about my sister. It is so nice to hear from you.
I have laughed so hard reading everyone's problems with this situation. Most felt it was because their children were younger.
BUT I know it has nothing to do with age because my 10 and 11 year olds can talk almost without a stop, even when eating!!This is especially complicated since one needs lots of hand gestures, motioning, and sometimes noises! Rarely is there a pause for the answers before more questions are asked. Never a dull moment for sure!
But today, Mom and Dad had a full complement of constant talkers! They met Chip in Waco to pick up Gillian and Darcey, my sister's daughters. I talked to them twice on the phone and it was difficult to tell who you were talking to since everyone seemed to be talking at the same volume and all at once! These girls love each other so much and had so much to catch up on that it took everyone talking at once, or I guess! I think Dad wished he wore a hearing aid so he could turn it off!
It was great to finally see the girls again. They both have grown so much since August and are just beautiful! They are doing well in school and Darcey was proud to report winning several awards, which I thought she said was words. Winning a bunch of words didn't make sense, so glad they were awards!
It was also great for them to see Annabel and how she has grown since August.
Dinner was great and it felt so right to have everyone together. Lots of lively conversation, contests, and laughter.
It is difficult for Annabel to stay up with the conversation though and Grace feels that Gillian should just talk to her. It will be interesting to see if they can work it out themselves!
I had to be the party pooper though and insist my girls come home and go to bed. The main way to head off any problems tomorrow is if everyone gets a good night's sleep tonight. That includes mom and dad and I knew they did not need 2 more extra girls tonight. Gillian thought the easiest way to settle it would be to go to a hotel so all of us could be in the same room.
Thank you to all for your kind and supportive comments about my sister. It is so nice to hear from you.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Today.
Today.
I keep trying to write about all the other things that happened today but it is hard to ignore that this was Jana's birthday.
When she was younger she would present a list at Halloween of things she would like for her birthday.
She, like Lisa, though regularly had their birthdays on Thanksgiving. Of all the holidays, that is really not a fun one to share your birthday with. Especially since for a lot of those years we would go camping. When we camped it usually also would rain and the weather would become miserable. Yuck!
I really don't know what the protoccol is so we went to CiCis Pizza, the dollar store, and the shoe store we shared so many times.
I won't apologize for being sad. It is still difficult.
The girls were out of school today and looked forward to playing bingo with my older adults at work. You just have to chuckle over the idea of these two little girls competing with all the older people at bingo. They are equally as competitive
After work we had to find shoes that had toes in them. For one thing it is too chilly to wear sandals and secondly their sandals are worn out.
I think we tried on every single pair. Children's shoes seem to be sized at random. By the time we actually found some that fit I had quit looking at the prices and was shocked when the total came up.
My favorite part of Cici's is the cinammony dessert bread.
I had tried to convince Annabel to try it but she was sure it tasted eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww, but tonight tried a tiny bite, broke into a smile, and had 2 more pieces.
She is getting so excited about Christmas. We started at the dollar store to buy some decorative things for them to make this week.
We are so excited that GG and Darcey are coming tomorrow. They get to stay until Friday! Woo! Hoo! I realized that have not been here since August. I think they will be surprised at how much Annabel has learned in the meantime.
Tonight we had to go back through the mom at the foot of the bed to assure safety to go to sleep. Bless her heart! I hope she doesn't do my record setting 2 week stint on Lisa's bedroom floor from being scared of the movie The Exorcist!
I keep trying to write about all the other things that happened today but it is hard to ignore that this was Jana's birthday.
When she was younger she would present a list at Halloween of things she would like for her birthday.
She, like Lisa, though regularly had their birthdays on Thanksgiving. Of all the holidays, that is really not a fun one to share your birthday with. Especially since for a lot of those years we would go camping. When we camped it usually also would rain and the weather would become miserable. Yuck!
I really don't know what the protoccol is so we went to CiCis Pizza, the dollar store, and the shoe store we shared so many times.
I won't apologize for being sad. It is still difficult.
The girls were out of school today and looked forward to playing bingo with my older adults at work. You just have to chuckle over the idea of these two little girls competing with all the older people at bingo. They are equally as competitive
After work we had to find shoes that had toes in them. For one thing it is too chilly to wear sandals and secondly their sandals are worn out.
I think we tried on every single pair. Children's shoes seem to be sized at random. By the time we actually found some that fit I had quit looking at the prices and was shocked when the total came up.
My favorite part of Cici's is the cinammony dessert bread.
I had tried to convince Annabel to try it but she was sure it tasted eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww, but tonight tried a tiny bite, broke into a smile, and had 2 more pieces.
She is getting so excited about Christmas. We started at the dollar store to buy some decorative things for them to make this week.
We are so excited that GG and Darcey are coming tomorrow. They get to stay until Friday! Woo! Hoo! I realized that have not been here since August. I think they will be surprised at how much Annabel has learned in the meantime.
Tonight we had to go back through the mom at the foot of the bed to assure safety to go to sleep. Bless her heart! I hope she doesn't do my record setting 2 week stint on Lisa's bedroom floor from being scared of the movie The Exorcist!
Bah Humbug!
If you have a child who still does not want your affection, hugs, kisses, or holding hands, take them to a scary show!
You of course know that this was not done on purpose.
One of our money saving savvy moms had turned us on to the "pay what you can" performance at the Dallas Theater Center for The Christmas Carol.
I was a little suspicious and expected to be seated in the nosebleed section, but the box office lady was extremely nice and explained it was truly what you wanted (or for us could afford) to pay. She said as little as $1 per person. Now that's a bargain. Plus we were on the second row!
Annabel understood the concept of the theater now and she and I counted down the seconds until it began.
Innocently the story was introduced with beautiful costumes, musical numbers, and interesting characters. But suddenly it takes a dark turn as soon as Marley comes to visit.
It was done superbly with lots of lightening and thunder and smoke and then a bigger than life Marley appears.
By now Annabel is holding onto me like her life depended on it. At first I thought she was kind of kidding, but the tightness of the grip was comparable to the number of tears gathering.
But we weren't through being scared yet.
Just as the young Ebeneezer began to talk, a strange loud noise started.
Quickly the young actor was whisked off the stage and an announcement of an evacuation was made. Seems the amount of smoke, candles, fog gathered and did not disseminate as planned.
Now fire drills at school are something that really scares Annabel anyway, but here were adults in the middle of "scary" program all leaving VERY quickly!
There were enough tears to extinguish any fire.
After about 4 months together, this was the first time I had ever seen Annabel scared, much less to the point of tears.
I knew there was no way I could explain that it was just a play because once you are scared, it is REAL to you.
Grace on the other hand, was enjoying the play equal to the amount that Annabel was hating it.
So here I am with a 10 and 11 year old, one begging to go one way, the other the other way.
When the "all clear" was sounded, I agreed to let Grace go back into the theater and thought Annabel would agree pretty quickly.
But soon I realized she was not going to return to that theater.
I know I shouldn't have, but the production was SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD that I called and asked if Mom and Dad could come pick up Annabel. I quickly gave them directions but failed to give detailed directions since I had gotten so lost getting there too.
We began to wait, then I had us go outside and wait, and the whole time I am calling their cell phone and the house. After 45 minutes of waiting for what should have been a 15 minute drive, I assume the worst and just waiting on the sirens to begin wailing to retrieve them from a terrible accident.
They finally call to say they are giving up on finding us and going home! They had left their cell phone in haste, because when I told them about how scared Annabel was, they were quick to act.
They had another evacuation from the smoke, intermission, and maybe one more evacuation. It was finally down to where Ebeneezer sees the light and works to mend his ways.
Since the entire audience had to leave, we took advantage and returned for the last 10 minutes and the infamous "God bless us every one!" from Tiny Tim. I do have bruises from even that point.
While we are waiting on Grandmother/Grandfather, Annabel had us play games. We had to do a jumping/skipping thing on the steps. We danced with my scarf. We jumped rope with my scarf. We cut up the program for origami. She just amazes me how she can have a good time with NOTHING!
I know that it is not material things that my daughters need, other than clothes, shoes, etc, it is these life experiences they need. They need to find out that someone will stand by and protect them when they are scared. That grandparents will leave the warmth of their home and a first run Law and ORder to rescue you. They need to know I have confidence in their autonomy to watch a play by themself.
They need to see and interact with the different people these situations bring.
This is what will prepare them for the future and not just a bunch of toys.
When we got home, Grace and I had to take turns escorting Annabel through the house, even with the lights on. I had to lay at the foot of her bed and Nina had to endure being hugged so closely she almost passed out, but we had to stay until Annabel could feel safe enough to go to sleep.
This weekend had been difficult for me. I feel I am trying to maintain my self worth when those around are intent on destroying or at least chipping away at it.
At work we have these trainings for managers and recently the topic was the difference between leadership and management. I likened leadership to standing on the street corner providing hugs to every passerby, but management is what pays the bills and provides a home and food for my family. So while I continue to work to provide the management of my home, I pray for the strength to do the leadership that reinforces self worth.
You of course know that this was not done on purpose.
One of our money saving savvy moms had turned us on to the "pay what you can" performance at the Dallas Theater Center for The Christmas Carol.
I was a little suspicious and expected to be seated in the nosebleed section, but the box office lady was extremely nice and explained it was truly what you wanted (or for us could afford) to pay. She said as little as $1 per person. Now that's a bargain. Plus we were on the second row!
Annabel understood the concept of the theater now and she and I counted down the seconds until it began.
Innocently the story was introduced with beautiful costumes, musical numbers, and interesting characters. But suddenly it takes a dark turn as soon as Marley comes to visit.
It was done superbly with lots of lightening and thunder and smoke and then a bigger than life Marley appears.
By now Annabel is holding onto me like her life depended on it. At first I thought she was kind of kidding, but the tightness of the grip was comparable to the number of tears gathering.
But we weren't through being scared yet.
Just as the young Ebeneezer began to talk, a strange loud noise started.
Quickly the young actor was whisked off the stage and an announcement of an evacuation was made. Seems the amount of smoke, candles, fog gathered and did not disseminate as planned.
Now fire drills at school are something that really scares Annabel anyway, but here were adults in the middle of "scary" program all leaving VERY quickly!
There were enough tears to extinguish any fire.
After about 4 months together, this was the first time I had ever seen Annabel scared, much less to the point of tears.
I knew there was no way I could explain that it was just a play because once you are scared, it is REAL to you.
Grace on the other hand, was enjoying the play equal to the amount that Annabel was hating it.
So here I am with a 10 and 11 year old, one begging to go one way, the other the other way.
When the "all clear" was sounded, I agreed to let Grace go back into the theater and thought Annabel would agree pretty quickly.
But soon I realized she was not going to return to that theater.
I know I shouldn't have, but the production was SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD that I called and asked if Mom and Dad could come pick up Annabel. I quickly gave them directions but failed to give detailed directions since I had gotten so lost getting there too.
We began to wait, then I had us go outside and wait, and the whole time I am calling their cell phone and the house. After 45 minutes of waiting for what should have been a 15 minute drive, I assume the worst and just waiting on the sirens to begin wailing to retrieve them from a terrible accident.
They finally call to say they are giving up on finding us and going home! They had left their cell phone in haste, because when I told them about how scared Annabel was, they were quick to act.
They had another evacuation from the smoke, intermission, and maybe one more evacuation. It was finally down to where Ebeneezer sees the light and works to mend his ways.
Since the entire audience had to leave, we took advantage and returned for the last 10 minutes and the infamous "God bless us every one!" from Tiny Tim. I do have bruises from even that point.
While we are waiting on Grandmother/Grandfather, Annabel had us play games. We had to do a jumping/skipping thing on the steps. We danced with my scarf. We jumped rope with my scarf. We cut up the program for origami. She just amazes me how she can have a good time with NOTHING!
I know that it is not material things that my daughters need, other than clothes, shoes, etc, it is these life experiences they need. They need to find out that someone will stand by and protect them when they are scared. That grandparents will leave the warmth of their home and a first run Law and ORder to rescue you. They need to know I have confidence in their autonomy to watch a play by themself.
They need to see and interact with the different people these situations bring.
This is what will prepare them for the future and not just a bunch of toys.
When we got home, Grace and I had to take turns escorting Annabel through the house, even with the lights on. I had to lay at the foot of her bed and Nina had to endure being hugged so closely she almost passed out, but we had to stay until Annabel could feel safe enough to go to sleep.
This weekend had been difficult for me. I feel I am trying to maintain my self worth when those around are intent on destroying or at least chipping away at it.
At work we have these trainings for managers and recently the topic was the difference between leadership and management. I likened leadership to standing on the street corner providing hugs to every passerby, but management is what pays the bills and provides a home and food for my family. So while I continue to work to provide the management of my home, I pray for the strength to do the leadership that reinforces self worth.
If you have a child who still does not want your affection, hugs, kisses, or holding hands, take them to a scary show!
You of course know that this was not done on purpose.
One of our money saving savvy moms had turned us on to the "pay what you can" performance at the Dallas Theater Center for The Christmas Carol.
I was a little suspicious and expected to be seated in the nosebleed section, but the box office lady was extremely nice and explained it was truly what you wanted (or for us could afford) to pay. She said as little as $1 per person. Now that's a bargain. Plus we were on the second row!
Annabel understood the concept of the theater now and she and I counted down the seconds until it began.
Innocently the story was introduced with beautiful costumes, musical numbers, and interesting characters. But suddenly it takes a dark turn as soon as Marley comes to visit.
It was done superbly with lots of lightening and thunder and smoke and then a bigger than life Marley appears.
By now Annabel is holding onto me like her life depended on it. At first I thought she was kind of kidding, but the tighter the grip was comparable to the number of tears gathering.
But
You of course know that this was not done on purpose.
One of our money saving savvy moms had turned us on to the "pay what you can" performance at the Dallas Theater Center for The Christmas Carol.
I was a little suspicious and expected to be seated in the nosebleed section, but the box office lady was extremely nice and explained it was truly what you wanted (or for us could afford) to pay. She said as little as $1 per person. Now that's a bargain. Plus we were on the second row!
Annabel understood the concept of the theater now and she and I counted down the seconds until it began.
Innocently the story was introduced with beautiful costumes, musical numbers, and interesting characters. But suddenly it takes a dark turn as soon as Marley comes to visit.
It was done superbly with lots of lightening and thunder and smoke and then a bigger than life Marley appears.
By now Annabel is holding onto me like her life depended on it. At first I thought she was kind of kidding, but the tighter the grip was comparable to the number of tears gathering.
But
Friday, November 21, 2008
I'm so glad that we had a quiet night because that didn't last long.
On Thursday we had parent teacher conferences, dessert for the teachers, piano class, and then on to the theater!
That doesn't even count visiting the book fair.
Yesterday was also report card day, which was the topic of discussion for the parent teacher conferences. No one can really explain why Annabel's grades continue to be higher than Grace's. The teacher did mention that Annabel tells him no when he tells her to do something. OK, that is not correct and I told him that. She has gotten a lot of attention by being "different" and almost treated like the class "pet". But to be successful she must learn to do what she is told, even though for now it is a different language. She understands basic direction. I regret that any teacher has misunderstood that I think Annabel is "hands off". Far from it.
Schools in China, as well as life for the children in the SWI (orphanage) is very structured. I have been reading interviews with children in China who are eligible for adoption. A comment has been made more than once that they seem to have no concept of time or no interest in what time it is. BECAUSE they have no choices of how they will spend their time. It is structured, there is someone to tell you. Free time is not a normal part of the day. Grace and Annabel have a lot of trouble with "down" time. Whereas most American born children stay distracted with other activities while doing an activity, they can immediately break away and go to that other activity. For Grace she goes to reading, her math work book, or playing the piano. Annabel plays with the dogs, but she is looking for something else, something to play with maybe. When we check out the books in Chinese from the library, she has them read within a few days. I know she needs to be making the adjustment to books in English, but she really does not have enough recognition and comprehension of those words to read. PLUS very simple books are written for much younger children.
Anyway, back to Thursday.
Grace continues to excel in piano. I am so impressed with her ability. She loves to practice and seems to catch the teacher's instructions immediately. The teacher's son rode with us to their house again. Little boys have got a great imagination!!
I had posted a request for free or low cost tickets to upcoming events to our early childhood PTA. I know we used to have a ticket office that sold tickets for half price the day of the event.
But we got even better as my old friend invited us to a parents only preview of Madeline Christmas at the Dallas Children's Theater.
How do you explain live theater?
I called it a DVD. I told Annabel that we were going to watch a DVD. She was OK with that.
When we got there I tried to explain a little more showing the picture of the girl on the program and motioning talking, etc.
Annabel sat on the edge of her seat the entire time.
When they would dim the lights for scenery changes, she would ask , "that all?". No, there as more. During intermission, she came running to me for a pen and paper and did a quick math problem to let me know how many seats were in the auditorium.
She and Grace enjoyed the whole performance. They thought it was excellent! Me too!
Both are fighting a cold and I am glad that school is out for a week. We have another Saturday with little to do, which helps since my expense check did not get processed!
Tonight Annabel had Grace reading one of her Chinese books. Annabel compliments Grace each time on how well she does in reading her Chinese. Annabel will stop and explain parts of it and then Grace will explain other parts as it relates to life here. I am so glad they have each other. They are a good team.
On Thursday we had parent teacher conferences, dessert for the teachers, piano class, and then on to the theater!
That doesn't even count visiting the book fair.
Yesterday was also report card day, which was the topic of discussion for the parent teacher conferences. No one can really explain why Annabel's grades continue to be higher than Grace's. The teacher did mention that Annabel tells him no when he tells her to do something. OK, that is not correct and I told him that. She has gotten a lot of attention by being "different" and almost treated like the class "pet". But to be successful she must learn to do what she is told, even though for now it is a different language. She understands basic direction. I regret that any teacher has misunderstood that I think Annabel is "hands off". Far from it.
Schools in China, as well as life for the children in the SWI (orphanage) is very structured. I have been reading interviews with children in China who are eligible for adoption. A comment has been made more than once that they seem to have no concept of time or no interest in what time it is. BECAUSE they have no choices of how they will spend their time. It is structured, there is someone to tell you. Free time is not a normal part of the day. Grace and Annabel have a lot of trouble with "down" time. Whereas most American born children stay distracted with other activities while doing an activity, they can immediately break away and go to that other activity. For Grace she goes to reading, her math work book, or playing the piano. Annabel plays with the dogs, but she is looking for something else, something to play with maybe. When we check out the books in Chinese from the library, she has them read within a few days. I know she needs to be making the adjustment to books in English, but she really does not have enough recognition and comprehension of those words to read. PLUS very simple books are written for much younger children.
Anyway, back to Thursday.
Grace continues to excel in piano. I am so impressed with her ability. She loves to practice and seems to catch the teacher's instructions immediately. The teacher's son rode with us to their house again. Little boys have got a great imagination!!
I had posted a request for free or low cost tickets to upcoming events to our early childhood PTA. I know we used to have a ticket office that sold tickets for half price the day of the event.
But we got even better as my old friend invited us to a parents only preview of Madeline Christmas at the Dallas Children's Theater.
How do you explain live theater?
I called it a DVD. I told Annabel that we were going to watch a DVD. She was OK with that.
When we got there I tried to explain a little more showing the picture of the girl on the program and motioning talking, etc.
Annabel sat on the edge of her seat the entire time.
When they would dim the lights for scenery changes, she would ask , "that all?". No, there as more. During intermission, she came running to me for a pen and paper and did a quick math problem to let me know how many seats were in the auditorium.
She and Grace enjoyed the whole performance. They thought it was excellent! Me too!
Both are fighting a cold and I am glad that school is out for a week. We have another Saturday with little to do, which helps since my expense check did not get processed!
Tonight Annabel had Grace reading one of her Chinese books. Annabel compliments Grace each time on how well she does in reading her Chinese. Annabel will stop and explain parts of it and then Grace will explain other parts as it relates to life here. I am so glad they have each other. They are a good team.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Him, her, he , she
This was the kind of day you really think every day should be.
We all got home in plenty of time to cook, eat, clean up, play Wii, have a short nap (me!), ride bikes, wash clothes, and take showers. I cannot remember the last time this has happened and it is so nice to sit down before 10:00!
Annabel works diligently on her words each evening, but sometimes her pronounciation of a word still is way off. While having dinner she asked who smelled her foooo. I thought she meant that someone had smelled her food, but she meant foot. Of course the idea that someone was smelling her foot while we were eating didn't really make sense until she explained further that it was one of the dogs!
Recently the battery in the smoke detector in my bedroom needed to be changed.
Annabel asked, "Mom, what that noise?"
I asked if she meant the chirping sound.
She said something about it being in my room. Then she asked, "Is that boy in your room?" I have no idea why she thought that a boy (man) was in my bedroom chirping or how I got him in there without them seeing it.
She also has a friend named Coral at school or at least that is what I think her name is. Every time she mentions Coral, I think she is saying squirrel or girl. So by the time I realize it is her friend, then I have forgotten the rest of the story and kind of nod my head in agreement.
Pronouns are the hardest. If she tries to tell a story that involves both a boy and a girl and then switches to pronouns, it is really difficult to follow, so I just nod in agreement!
I realized in working on these words with her that in Chinese there are not rhymes. Each character can mean a group of words even or it might take several to say one word. I worry about her catching up on science and social studies.
For Grace the issue has been politics.
They had a mock election in her class, but her teacher strongly endorsed one candidate and actually made fun of those who did not agree with her. Not surprisingly in their mock election, her candidate won.
Now the discussion has continued and Grace understood that anyone who did not vote for and approve our newly elected president was wrong and doing mean things to him.
I had not felt like she was at a point to get into long political discussions, but I have tried to emphasize to her that the beauty of our process is that you can have differences in opinions. There are at least 2 candidates and you get to choose who you vote for. You do your research to help make those important decisions.
She seemed bewildered.
I explained that the teacher has the freedom to discuss politics in her room, but in her role as the teacher she should have explained both sides.
I think we will have more talks about this soon.
In the meantime, she works on an old math workbook every chance she gets!
We all got home in plenty of time to cook, eat, clean up, play Wii, have a short nap (me!), ride bikes, wash clothes, and take showers. I cannot remember the last time this has happened and it is so nice to sit down before 10:00!
Annabel works diligently on her words each evening, but sometimes her pronounciation of a word still is way off. While having dinner she asked who smelled her foooo. I thought she meant that someone had smelled her food, but she meant foot. Of course the idea that someone was smelling her foot while we were eating didn't really make sense until she explained further that it was one of the dogs!
Recently the battery in the smoke detector in my bedroom needed to be changed.
Annabel asked, "Mom, what that noise?"
I asked if she meant the chirping sound.
She said something about it being in my room. Then she asked, "Is that boy in your room?" I have no idea why she thought that a boy (man) was in my bedroom chirping or how I got him in there without them seeing it.
She also has a friend named Coral at school or at least that is what I think her name is. Every time she mentions Coral, I think she is saying squirrel or girl. So by the time I realize it is her friend, then I have forgotten the rest of the story and kind of nod my head in agreement.
Pronouns are the hardest. If she tries to tell a story that involves both a boy and a girl and then switches to pronouns, it is really difficult to follow, so I just nod in agreement!
I realized in working on these words with her that in Chinese there are not rhymes. Each character can mean a group of words even or it might take several to say one word. I worry about her catching up on science and social studies.
For Grace the issue has been politics.
They had a mock election in her class, but her teacher strongly endorsed one candidate and actually made fun of those who did not agree with her. Not surprisingly in their mock election, her candidate won.
Now the discussion has continued and Grace understood that anyone who did not vote for and approve our newly elected president was wrong and doing mean things to him.
I had not felt like she was at a point to get into long political discussions, but I have tried to emphasize to her that the beauty of our process is that you can have differences in opinions. There are at least 2 candidates and you get to choose who you vote for. You do your research to help make those important decisions.
She seemed bewildered.
I explained that the teacher has the freedom to discuss politics in her room, but in her role as the teacher she should have explained both sides.
I think we will have more talks about this soon.
In the meantime, she works on an old math workbook every chance she gets!
Some humor from Reader's Digest!
Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. They often draw scrutiny, since my son's a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.
The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Finally he asked, "Those your kids?"
"They sure are," I said with pride.
"They adopted?"
"Yes," I replied.
"I thought so," he concluded. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small."
The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Finally he asked, "Those your kids?"
"They sure are," I said with pride.
"They adopted?"
"Yes," I replied.
"I thought so," he concluded. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small."
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
This was my last grief support group meeting, which meant I didn't get home until around 6:30.
The girls were at Mom and Dad's, of course. What I was not expecting to find was the entire group at the dinner table and what was left of a big platter of steak. If you ever want to find a bargain, shop with Dad. He can get anything for 1/10 of what the rest pay!!
Mom and Dad now know why I am buying so many groceries. My girls acted like they had not eaten in weeks and kept asking for more. But in the middle Annabel started making plans on lunch tomorrow. She has started claiming the leftovers before anyone has finished eating! Grace has learned the drill too and it was just as well that I was not hungry. I missed out on most of the meal except some green beans! They could not think of a way to take them to school.
When we came home, Annabel had a list of words she needed to learn. She explained that the teacher had not had time to tell her what the words were. So even though she had been practicing writing them, she did not know what they said, or what they meant. I don't know how anyone learns English. Last night one word was "pencil". With the c having an "s" sound. Tonight she had cap, with a hard "c". Learning phonetically does not seem to be working. The word ring stumped her every time.
I think it was about at this point that Grace got so frustrated trying to learn English. I remember talking to her and explaining that it would be so much easier when she learned to speak English. Grace's response was, "English? What English?" It had not dawned on her what the problem was. Annabel is old enough to understand, but that does not make it any easier.
Last night we met a group from church at Golden Corral for the vet appreciation dinner. When you can have all you can eat from a wide variety of food, Grace chose buttered noodles and Annabel had 2 chicken legs! I don't think we got our money's worth on that meal. But we were safe from packing a lunch because they planned to buy their lunch.
Sunday I started working on the planter at the girls' school. I hoped to update it in memory of Jana. When you first look at it you don't realize how big it is. But working to clear the weeds, undergrowth, etc, it seemed to grow. The girls were riding their bikes, but came back to help. They pitched in loading up the trimmings and stomping it down to fit more.
Saturday was a great day with a long list of errands, but a smart mom (me!!) deciding we needed a day at home. My uncle was coming with his new wife, daughter, and long time friend. We were glad to meet the latest additions to our family. It got a little confusing though since the daughter's name is Grace. After they left, Annabel tried to tell about Grace and would start with Grace, but not my sister Grace, the other Grace. Sometimes trying to get into the conversation takes longer than the actual conversation.
The girls were at Mom and Dad's, of course. What I was not expecting to find was the entire group at the dinner table and what was left of a big platter of steak. If you ever want to find a bargain, shop with Dad. He can get anything for 1/10 of what the rest pay!!
Mom and Dad now know why I am buying so many groceries. My girls acted like they had not eaten in weeks and kept asking for more. But in the middle Annabel started making plans on lunch tomorrow. She has started claiming the leftovers before anyone has finished eating! Grace has learned the drill too and it was just as well that I was not hungry. I missed out on most of the meal except some green beans! They could not think of a way to take them to school.
When we came home, Annabel had a list of words she needed to learn. She explained that the teacher had not had time to tell her what the words were. So even though she had been practicing writing them, she did not know what they said, or what they meant. I don't know how anyone learns English. Last night one word was "pencil". With the c having an "s" sound. Tonight she had cap, with a hard "c". Learning phonetically does not seem to be working. The word ring stumped her every time.
I think it was about at this point that Grace got so frustrated trying to learn English. I remember talking to her and explaining that it would be so much easier when she learned to speak English. Grace's response was, "English? What English?" It had not dawned on her what the problem was. Annabel is old enough to understand, but that does not make it any easier.
Last night we met a group from church at Golden Corral for the vet appreciation dinner. When you can have all you can eat from a wide variety of food, Grace chose buttered noodles and Annabel had 2 chicken legs! I don't think we got our money's worth on that meal. But we were safe from packing a lunch because they planned to buy their lunch.
Sunday I started working on the planter at the girls' school. I hoped to update it in memory of Jana. When you first look at it you don't realize how big it is. But working to clear the weeds, undergrowth, etc, it seemed to grow. The girls were riding their bikes, but came back to help. They pitched in loading up the trimmings and stomping it down to fit more.
Saturday was a great day with a long list of errands, but a smart mom (me!!) deciding we needed a day at home. My uncle was coming with his new wife, daughter, and long time friend. We were glad to meet the latest additions to our family. It got a little confusing though since the daughter's name is Grace. After they left, Annabel tried to tell about Grace and would start with Grace, but not my sister Grace, the other Grace. Sometimes trying to get into the conversation takes longer than the actual conversation.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
NO ----- No thanks!
When I tell someone new about my daughters, it is difficult to balance their stories. I want to make sure they understand how, when given the opportunity, these precious souls have changed their world, my world, and everyone who meets them. We expect or at least hope that when a child is born into a family that their most human needs will be met. We expect them to be fed when hungry, comforted when sad, smiled at to show love, and laughed with for humor. With this formula you expect a degree of success, a child who can show love, discipline, and ambition to achieve.
Of course we all know children that even with a "normal" family there can still be problems.
But for my daughters and others who are adopted, little is known about their early days. The history is either not recorded, vague, or if known, the opposite of what we "wish" for a child.
For Grace and Annabel, there is not much history. The chance that we will know if there are siblings in their family, where the birth parents are, and the circumstances that required them to be abandoned is fairly slim. DNA testing may progress until a network could be established, but for the meantime, we are left mainly with unknowns.
This is National Adoption Month.
If even one person who reads this and considers adoption, the possibilities are endless.
There are so many children who need a "forever" family and so many families that need these wonderful children.
One website that I like to see is www.rainbowkids.com. On this list are "waiting" children from all over the world. This is where I found Annabel.
Annabel's history is even sketchier than Grace's. And while the past is important, the future is where the promise it, and the present is what we get to enjoy while pursuing the future.
I titled this post, NO --- No thanks!
When I first adopted Annabel and she was offered something she thought she might not like, her emphatic response was NO. there was no reasoning with her or even getting her to "try" just a bite.
This week someone pointed out how polite she is; when offered something she does not want, she responds, "No thanks!" She has learned and continues to learn. She has learned to share love and knows to expect it in return. She has learned there is food tomorrow, as well as today. She has learned there is one "forever" mom who holds her best interests at heart.
There are also grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles who love her and she loves them. There is school to go to, bikes to ride, neighborhoods to explore. But there is also a small child whose background is unknown and a mom who HAS to watch for those things that may still need help to overcome
Of course we all know children that even with a "normal" family there can still be problems.
But for my daughters and others who are adopted, little is known about their early days. The history is either not recorded, vague, or if known, the opposite of what we "wish" for a child.
For Grace and Annabel, there is not much history. The chance that we will know if there are siblings in their family, where the birth parents are, and the circumstances that required them to be abandoned is fairly slim. DNA testing may progress until a network could be established, but for the meantime, we are left mainly with unknowns.
This is National Adoption Month.
If even one person who reads this and considers adoption, the possibilities are endless.
There are so many children who need a "forever" family and so many families that need these wonderful children.
One website that I like to see is www.rainbowkids.com. On this list are "waiting" children from all over the world. This is where I found Annabel.
Annabel's history is even sketchier than Grace's. And while the past is important, the future is where the promise it, and the present is what we get to enjoy while pursuing the future.
I titled this post, NO --- No thanks!
When I first adopted Annabel and she was offered something she thought she might not like, her emphatic response was NO. there was no reasoning with her or even getting her to "try" just a bite.
This week someone pointed out how polite she is; when offered something she does not want, she responds, "No thanks!" She has learned and continues to learn. She has learned to share love and knows to expect it in return. She has learned there is food tomorrow, as well as today. She has learned there is one "forever" mom who holds her best interests at heart.
There are also grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles who love her and she loves them. There is school to go to, bikes to ride, neighborhoods to explore. But there is also a small child whose background is unknown and a mom who HAS to watch for those things that may still need help to overcome
Friday, November 14, 2008
Pumpkin Pie
I think I need to set my alarm earlier.
This morning Grace woke me up wanting me to fix her hair. I can barely open one eye and she is standing there with her brush and 2 rubber bands waiting on me to fix her hair! I did get it fixed before she left, but not while I was still in bed.
This was the first time that we had piano after the girls staying until 5:00 at school.
I picked up the piano teacher's son from dance before picking up Grace. Annabel has decided she needs to stay home with Mom and Dad while we are gone to piano.
My passengers then are a first grade guy and Grace.
I guess I feel compelled to make everyone comfortable so I talk none stop. I told Grace that he was studying tap. No, not studying tap, taking tap.
The conversation turned to their Thanksgiving feast they served for lunch at school today.
Grace enjoyed the turkey, but Annabel was suspicious of it and had a burrito instead. Can you see our Thanksgving table? If she had chosen a sandwich or just the vebgetables it would not have been as funny, but a burrito? And with strawberry milk! Bleaccchhhhh!
Our guest explained that the dressing tasted like the inside of carpet and looked the same too. I don't know if that is the paddding or not, but think he is right on a lot of dressing I have had.
Grace mentioned they had pumpkin pie for dessert. But not the regular kind, this had the bread on top too. So this pumpkin pie had bread on the top and bottom. Of course I know she meant crust, but could visualize a cafeteria pumpkin pie that was made of 2 pieces of white bread. Yuck!!
Tonight I broke away to the bathroom only to be disrupted with screams and squeals from the kitchen. There was a bug in the drawer! They seemed stumped on how to take care of it! So I grabbed the bug spray and drowned it.
Then I knew I needed to clean out the whole drawer, which was the last thing I wanted to do tonight. I really just wanted to sit down. For a minute. That's all. But I unloaded the dishwasher to reload it with everything in the drawer. Bless Annabel's heart. She kept offering to help but I knew I could get through faster along. Besides I would really rather she eat 2 oranges than help with something so simple. She had stuck out her tongue at me earlier and I tried to explain that was not appropriate to do to your mother. We'll see.
I'm not sure what has changed, but tonight Annabel was shouting Woo! Hoo!, tomorrow is Friday. My sentiments exactly!
This morning Grace woke me up wanting me to fix her hair. I can barely open one eye and she is standing there with her brush and 2 rubber bands waiting on me to fix her hair! I did get it fixed before she left, but not while I was still in bed.
This was the first time that we had piano after the girls staying until 5:00 at school.
I picked up the piano teacher's son from dance before picking up Grace. Annabel has decided she needs to stay home with Mom and Dad while we are gone to piano.
My passengers then are a first grade guy and Grace.
I guess I feel compelled to make everyone comfortable so I talk none stop. I told Grace that he was studying tap. No, not studying tap, taking tap.
The conversation turned to their Thanksgiving feast they served for lunch at school today.
Grace enjoyed the turkey, but Annabel was suspicious of it and had a burrito instead. Can you see our Thanksgving table? If she had chosen a sandwich or just the vebgetables it would not have been as funny, but a burrito? And with strawberry milk! Bleaccchhhhh!
Our guest explained that the dressing tasted like the inside of carpet and looked the same too. I don't know if that is the paddding or not, but think he is right on a lot of dressing I have had.
Grace mentioned they had pumpkin pie for dessert. But not the regular kind, this had the bread on top too. So this pumpkin pie had bread on the top and bottom. Of course I know she meant crust, but could visualize a cafeteria pumpkin pie that was made of 2 pieces of white bread. Yuck!!
Tonight I broke away to the bathroom only to be disrupted with screams and squeals from the kitchen. There was a bug in the drawer! They seemed stumped on how to take care of it! So I grabbed the bug spray and drowned it.
Then I knew I needed to clean out the whole drawer, which was the last thing I wanted to do tonight. I really just wanted to sit down. For a minute. That's all. But I unloaded the dishwasher to reload it with everything in the drawer. Bless Annabel's heart. She kept offering to help but I knew I could get through faster along. Besides I would really rather she eat 2 oranges than help with something so simple. She had stuck out her tongue at me earlier and I tried to explain that was not appropriate to do to your mother. We'll see.
I'm not sure what has changed, but tonight Annabel was shouting Woo! Hoo!, tomorrow is Friday. My sentiments exactly!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
How big is the moon?
Between my kids and my dogs, I don't think I have laughed so much in 24 hours in a long time!
First I have to start with yesterday morning. The girls were ready for school early and went to Mom and Dad's for their escort to school. Only Dad wasn't completely ready so he ended up with a girl on either side while he tried to brush his teeth and put on his after shave. My daughters have trouble with boundaries. Such an understatement.
Trying to answer questions while you brush your teeth is difficult. Anyway, I think Dad thought I had just been exaggerating about how many questions they can ask but got to see it first hand. The whole concept of after shave evoked a lot of questions.
Soon after we returned from China I went through a time where all my small electrical appliances broke, my small tv, my clock/radio, and my hair dryer. Money has been so tight I chose not to replace any but the hair dryer so the girls would not go to bed with wet hair.
For an alarm I have used my cell phone under my pillow. It can really surprise you.
But I woke up to a bigger surprise that both dogs had joined me in bed and both girls were petting them. A few more boundary issues!!
My alarm goes off plenty early but the girls were already up and dressed.
Grace admitted that they had slept in their clothes!!! They were concerned they would not wake up early enough to have breakfast and pack their lunches, so they got up after I turned out the lights and got dressed and back into bed! I asked if they slept in their shoes and socks too, just kidding them, but Annabel assured me they did not have shoes on, just socks! I'm still laughing about this! I can't imagine sleeping in their uniforms, polo type shirts and khaki pants! Why do I waste money on PJs??
Breakfast was ramen noodles! My toast seems so lame compared to theirs.
In an effort to save money, I've been looking for a good used car.
I really liked one I saw last week and the salesman called tonight to say if I didn't put down a deposit I would probably lose out. Not what I planned to do, but the girls and I went to have another look.
On the way there we were admiring the beautiful full moon. Both girls seem so in awe of the moon. Ms. Wu explained to Grace that there are rituals and "prayers" you say to the moon for your family in China. We have seen Annabel stare at the moon mouthing something at times.
Tonight though, Grace informed me that the moon, of course, is not nearly as big as it seems or looks.
I really am not sure how she came up with that. I tried to explain that the moon is like a planet (ok, I know it is a star) but did not know how to explain that it is actually a lot bigger than it seems.
After our unsuccessful attempt to buy a car, we went to CiCi's for dinner. I haven't been there in ages and remember why now. Too much!! Annabel had 5 pieces of pizza, 2 bowls of soup, and tried one more piece as we were leaving!!! Less than 3 months ago she refused to even try pizza.
Since the dogs did not get to be walked tonight we had our kong throwing contest instead. These two dogs are too funny!! And very entertaining. But not nearly as much as my girls!!
First I have to start with yesterday morning. The girls were ready for school early and went to Mom and Dad's for their escort to school. Only Dad wasn't completely ready so he ended up with a girl on either side while he tried to brush his teeth and put on his after shave. My daughters have trouble with boundaries. Such an understatement.
Trying to answer questions while you brush your teeth is difficult. Anyway, I think Dad thought I had just been exaggerating about how many questions they can ask but got to see it first hand. The whole concept of after shave evoked a lot of questions.
Soon after we returned from China I went through a time where all my small electrical appliances broke, my small tv, my clock/radio, and my hair dryer. Money has been so tight I chose not to replace any but the hair dryer so the girls would not go to bed with wet hair.
For an alarm I have used my cell phone under my pillow. It can really surprise you.
But I woke up to a bigger surprise that both dogs had joined me in bed and both girls were petting them. A few more boundary issues!!
My alarm goes off plenty early but the girls were already up and dressed.
Grace admitted that they had slept in their clothes!!! They were concerned they would not wake up early enough to have breakfast and pack their lunches, so they got up after I turned out the lights and got dressed and back into bed! I asked if they slept in their shoes and socks too, just kidding them, but Annabel assured me they did not have shoes on, just socks! I'm still laughing about this! I can't imagine sleeping in their uniforms, polo type shirts and khaki pants! Why do I waste money on PJs??
Breakfast was ramen noodles! My toast seems so lame compared to theirs.
In an effort to save money, I've been looking for a good used car.
I really liked one I saw last week and the salesman called tonight to say if I didn't put down a deposit I would probably lose out. Not what I planned to do, but the girls and I went to have another look.
On the way there we were admiring the beautiful full moon. Both girls seem so in awe of the moon. Ms. Wu explained to Grace that there are rituals and "prayers" you say to the moon for your family in China. We have seen Annabel stare at the moon mouthing something at times.
Tonight though, Grace informed me that the moon, of course, is not nearly as big as it seems or looks.
I really am not sure how she came up with that. I tried to explain that the moon is like a planet (ok, I know it is a star) but did not know how to explain that it is actually a lot bigger than it seems.
After our unsuccessful attempt to buy a car, we went to CiCi's for dinner. I haven't been there in ages and remember why now. Too much!! Annabel had 5 pieces of pizza, 2 bowls of soup, and tried one more piece as we were leaving!!! Less than 3 months ago she refused to even try pizza.
Since the dogs did not get to be walked tonight we had our kong throwing contest instead. These two dogs are too funny!! And very entertaining. But not nearly as much as my girls!!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
More unknowns
Our attempt at congee was met with approval for breakfast. I'm still not sure we did it right. It looked like paste, kind of. Now I just need 1000 year old eggs evidently to make it complete!
On one of my yahoo groups there were the results of a survey of children being tested for kidney stones as a result of the melamine in the baby formula, possibly in the milk, and other food products.
The results were alarming and more widespread than originally expected. The age of the children affected was much higher and the time of adoption much broader. The greed of these companies potentially will have lifelong effects on these children.
I am so glad that we have an appointment with the International Adoption Clinic in December.
Annabel's ear seems to continue healing. She is bothered by sounds that were not problems before. I am expecting that to mean she is beginning to hear again. But we won't know the extent until January.
Schools seems to be all right. If nothing else, she is thrilled to go each morning. Her after school activity was computer class. She complained about something in the class being too long and too wide. I can't translate that. The keyboard? The length of time of the class? I don't know!
Today marks 2 years of losing Jana. I wish she and Annabel would have known each other. Too difficult to write more tonight.
On one of my yahoo groups there were the results of a survey of children being tested for kidney stones as a result of the melamine in the baby formula, possibly in the milk, and other food products.
The results were alarming and more widespread than originally expected. The age of the children affected was much higher and the time of adoption much broader. The greed of these companies potentially will have lifelong effects on these children.
I am so glad that we have an appointment with the International Adoption Clinic in December.
Annabel's ear seems to continue healing. She is bothered by sounds that were not problems before. I am expecting that to mean she is beginning to hear again. But we won't know the extent until January.
Schools seems to be all right. If nothing else, she is thrilled to go each morning. Her after school activity was computer class. She complained about something in the class being too long and too wide. I can't translate that. The keyboard? The length of time of the class? I don't know!
Today marks 2 years of losing Jana. I wish she and Annabel would have known each other. Too difficult to write more tonight.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Congee and how did I get here?
Trying to post seems more difficult now and I am not sure why.
I have it all planned out in my mind while preparing dinner or cleaning up and then when I finally sit down, I think my brain is fried and don't want to appear boring, so I don't say anything. Which is just so totally not like me.
My life has changed so much that when I sit back and take account of it I can do nothing but thank God for where He has brought me.
There have been so many circumstances in the last few months where I realized I had choices to make, two roads to choose, and at the time wondered how and why I chose the one I did.
I can see even from here, that with some subtle changes I would not have arrived in this place. I thank God for guiding me when I was not sure. I thought I wanted the white picket fence, with 2.5 kids, and a husband who watched every football game. Instead He had a different path, a different purpose.
How God chose to bless me with the daughters He picked in a country so far away is amazing. So I don't have the white picket fence, the husband, or the .5 child (unless the 2 dogs count!), but I have an amazing life with two wonderful daughters.
Now don't think it is all sugar and spice and everything nice. In fact we have joked that Annabel is "sweet and sour" and Grace is "spicy" in reference to the seasonings that go with Chinese food. But when you put these flavorings on your food, it makes it so much better.
Our days start in a way I NEVER could have imagined.
Grace was up at 6:33 a.m. so she could get dressed and out of the room first. She has evidently woken up several mornings "left" alone and wants Annabel to understand how it feels. I don't think Annabel will get the message though.
Before I can wash my face, Grace has started their breakfast, my coffee, and working on her lunch.
Who is this child?
Last year she and I slept until 7:33 a.m. and barely made it to school for the tardy bell.
Grace and Annabel enjoy their chicken noodle soup after toasting their bread for sandwiches. Still the craziest lunches in the world. I need to find some thermoses so they could take noodles, but the cheapest I have seen are about $10.
Poppa has been taking them to school giving me a few minutes to get out the door myself.
I vaguely remember a time when no one depended on me to get up and breakfast was never chicken soup.
This week they were to start an after school program and not be home until 5:00. I actually had the idea I would get home and ride my bike before they got home. And cook dinner, maybe make some homemade noodles and sew a few dresses. OK, so I am not Frances, our neighbor who could accomplish that before anyone else woke up!
Instead I made a quick detour for more fruits and vegetables, something we run out of often, then barely home as they arrived.
Communication is still such an issues and even though I thought Annabel understood, she decided did not want to stay for the golf/tennis class and began to cry. Talking to her later I realized that she just did not understand that the coach would be there shortly and when he had not arrived in what she thought was a reasonable amount of time decided she wanted to go home. Grace walked her home and I am just glad that Mom was here to meet them.
Grace stayed for Jeopardy and enjoyed it very much. She tried to remember EVERY single question!!
I don't know if this is the way that all the older children are, but mine do not know how to fill "down" time. They need guidance in what to do if there is not a structured environment. I am guessing there were not a lot of freedoms in the group home and/or SWI.
So since everyone was through with homework and they could not decide what to do I put them to work.
They peeled, cut, and sliced all the vegetables into a big pot of chicken soup. Seems to be the only thing I can think of that everyone will eat.
They wanted to do more!
I meant to cut up only one avocado for the soup, but ended up with a big bowl of guacamole instead since each wanted to peel and dice!
Afterward we put the rice cooker to a new challenge - making congee.
When Jana first adopted Darcey I remember her talking about the babies eating congee. I thought it sounded so odd and no one seemed to know for sure what was in it.
One of my older adult couples, who are originally from China, tried to tell me how to prepare congee today. Yesterday at the Chinese restaurant, the waitress tried to tell me. I think something was lost in the translation though as Annabel told me to soak the rice for 1 year, rather than maybe one night.
We will know for sure in the morning. I couldn't find that dried shredded pork so we are using dried shredded beef.
The weather was changing and I wanted a front row seat. I convinced the girls to meet me on Grandmother and Poppa's porch and see if they would come out too.
Before I knew it I was the only one left waiting on the weather to change and the storms to arrive. I found them all in the den watching the end of "Antiques Roadshow". Who are these people?? Grandparents and granddaughters watching Antique Roadshow together on a school night! With a major storm blowing through!
The weather didn't change fast enough and everyone had to go to bed anyway.
Mom and I talked about how the girls behaved on their trip to Paris to meet Aunt and Uncle. Mom said that Annabel took my oldest aunt's arm as she tried to get out of the car and walked her all the way into the house. Grace took care of my cousin's daughters and both entertained themselves while the adults talked. Mom was so proud of them. I am too.
I know we are still in our honeymoon period with Annabel. I know we are probably facing some difficult times ahead, but right now I want to enjoy this life that this road took me to.
I have it all planned out in my mind while preparing dinner or cleaning up and then when I finally sit down, I think my brain is fried and don't want to appear boring, so I don't say anything. Which is just so totally not like me.
My life has changed so much that when I sit back and take account of it I can do nothing but thank God for where He has brought me.
There have been so many circumstances in the last few months where I realized I had choices to make, two roads to choose, and at the time wondered how and why I chose the one I did.
I can see even from here, that with some subtle changes I would not have arrived in this place. I thank God for guiding me when I was not sure. I thought I wanted the white picket fence, with 2.5 kids, and a husband who watched every football game. Instead He had a different path, a different purpose.
How God chose to bless me with the daughters He picked in a country so far away is amazing. So I don't have the white picket fence, the husband, or the .5 child (unless the 2 dogs count!), but I have an amazing life with two wonderful daughters.
Now don't think it is all sugar and spice and everything nice. In fact we have joked that Annabel is "sweet and sour" and Grace is "spicy" in reference to the seasonings that go with Chinese food. But when you put these flavorings on your food, it makes it so much better.
Our days start in a way I NEVER could have imagined.
Grace was up at 6:33 a.m. so she could get dressed and out of the room first. She has evidently woken up several mornings "left" alone and wants Annabel to understand how it feels. I don't think Annabel will get the message though.
Before I can wash my face, Grace has started their breakfast, my coffee, and working on her lunch.
Who is this child?
Last year she and I slept until 7:33 a.m. and barely made it to school for the tardy bell.
Grace and Annabel enjoy their chicken noodle soup after toasting their bread for sandwiches. Still the craziest lunches in the world. I need to find some thermoses so they could take noodles, but the cheapest I have seen are about $10.
Poppa has been taking them to school giving me a few minutes to get out the door myself.
I vaguely remember a time when no one depended on me to get up and breakfast was never chicken soup.
This week they were to start an after school program and not be home until 5:00. I actually had the idea I would get home and ride my bike before they got home. And cook dinner, maybe make some homemade noodles and sew a few dresses. OK, so I am not Frances, our neighbor who could accomplish that before anyone else woke up!
Instead I made a quick detour for more fruits and vegetables, something we run out of often, then barely home as they arrived.
Communication is still such an issues and even though I thought Annabel understood, she decided did not want to stay for the golf/tennis class and began to cry. Talking to her later I realized that she just did not understand that the coach would be there shortly and when he had not arrived in what she thought was a reasonable amount of time decided she wanted to go home. Grace walked her home and I am just glad that Mom was here to meet them.
Grace stayed for Jeopardy and enjoyed it very much. She tried to remember EVERY single question!!
I don't know if this is the way that all the older children are, but mine do not know how to fill "down" time. They need guidance in what to do if there is not a structured environment. I am guessing there were not a lot of freedoms in the group home and/or SWI.
So since everyone was through with homework and they could not decide what to do I put them to work.
They peeled, cut, and sliced all the vegetables into a big pot of chicken soup. Seems to be the only thing I can think of that everyone will eat.
They wanted to do more!
I meant to cut up only one avocado for the soup, but ended up with a big bowl of guacamole instead since each wanted to peel and dice!
Afterward we put the rice cooker to a new challenge - making congee.
When Jana first adopted Darcey I remember her talking about the babies eating congee. I thought it sounded so odd and no one seemed to know for sure what was in it.
One of my older adult couples, who are originally from China, tried to tell me how to prepare congee today. Yesterday at the Chinese restaurant, the waitress tried to tell me. I think something was lost in the translation though as Annabel told me to soak the rice for 1 year, rather than maybe one night.
We will know for sure in the morning. I couldn't find that dried shredded pork so we are using dried shredded beef.
The weather was changing and I wanted a front row seat. I convinced the girls to meet me on Grandmother and Poppa's porch and see if they would come out too.
Before I knew it I was the only one left waiting on the weather to change and the storms to arrive. I found them all in the den watching the end of "Antiques Roadshow". Who are these people?? Grandparents and granddaughters watching Antique Roadshow together on a school night! With a major storm blowing through!
The weather didn't change fast enough and everyone had to go to bed anyway.
Mom and I talked about how the girls behaved on their trip to Paris to meet Aunt and Uncle. Mom said that Annabel took my oldest aunt's arm as she tried to get out of the car and walked her all the way into the house. Grace took care of my cousin's daughters and both entertained themselves while the adults talked. Mom was so proud of them. I am too.
I know we are still in our honeymoon period with Annabel. I know we are probably facing some difficult times ahead, but right now I want to enjoy this life that this road took me to.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Old friends and New friends and a child's imagination
This has been a weekend of reconnecting with old friends for me, as well as meeting new ones.
Peng sounds like pon yo is the pinyin for friend. There are accent marks but I don't know how to type them in here.
Friday afternoon we headed to Denton, which is not that far from Dallas. Denton was my home long before I thought of becoming a mom. I moved there while completing my masters degree and returned for a job at UNT. I had not been back since I moved to Dallas almost 9 years ago. It was where I bought my first house, met lifelong friends, and enjoyed the sense of a small town.
It seems like a lot of people have fallen in love with the smaller town too. Traffic was bumper to bumper the entire way. The girls were distracted by Barbie Island Princess and did not notice.
Our first stop was a drive by of my first house. In the dark, I was so surprised at how difficult it was to find. I thought I would always be able to zero in on this house forever. Grace understood but for Annabel explaining things like this are difficult. I guess it is probably difficult for Grace too. Life before her doesn't make sense!
Our next stop was my friend's house for dinner. It was so nice to see longtime friends. The girls were so impressed that they had a whole room dedicated to fun, they had never seen something like that. From a tv dedicated to Wii to a piano, and everything in between.
It was difficult to drag them away, but Annabel was anxious to get to our next destination - the Chinese church of their music teacher.
For a church service that began at 8:00 on Friday evening just steps away from a major state university, it was amazing to see so many college students there to worship. Every seat was taken. Of our trio, Annabel was the only one who understood what was going on but I felt it was important for us to provide this opportunity for her. The sermon was on a variety of philosphers and how their teaching falls short of the love of God. The woman sitting beside me explained that for many in attendance, they have been raised as atheists in an environment where saying the wrong thing has dire consequences.
After the service was dinner. The girls were thrilled with "homemade" Chinese food. Annabel described another breakfast favorite and someone translated it and told me how to prepare "porridge".
Getting home at midnight felt very late!!
Breakfast was the new porridge, a cup of rice, lots of water, and the rice cooker. I did not have one of the key ingredients, dried shredded pork. It was suggested I could use salted bacon, but opted for sliced ham instead. Annabel isn't sure I did it right, but after 3 bowls it must be good enough!!!
The girls went with Grandmother/Grandfather to visit aunts and uncles in Paris.
I stayed home because I had planned to work on a planter at the girls' school in memory of Jana. It is a huge mess overgrown with weeds, trash, and shrubs that are out of control. But before I could even start, I was stopped. To try to explain why I was not allowed to simply try to beautify an eyesore, I can't. I thought I had contacted all who were involved but at the last minute someone else put a stop to it.
I hope to have better news on this soon.
I received a call from a new friend in Canada. They have adopted an older daughter too and reading her blog seems like a reprint of mine. Our daughters are experiencing similar issues in their adjustments.
Although money is very tight, I had set up an appointment with the dog trainer to help with some HUGE problems we continue to deal with our dogs. I felt like I had taken my car to a mechanic. Our dogs were absolute angels sitting ready for their next command. The second she walked out the door, the barking and jumping started again. I think I should have taken notes.
This evening we visited another old friend. It was fun to reminisce about our performance on the three legged race. I think that was the one and only time I had practiced for an event and the only time I ever won.
They were clearing out clothes, toys, and accessories and my girls were able to find LOTS to love.
My daughters have broadened my circle and continue to bring old and new friends into our lives.
A child's imagination can be pretty funny.
When Gillian was about 4 she invented a complete baseball team. She had coach, Tasic, Luna, and several others on this team. On New Year's Eve while sitting in the back seat with her in her car seat, Gillian casually announced that Coach had called and there would be no practice tomorrow.
Darcey would tell us about what her Chinese mother had taught her such helpful things as tossing her panties across the room. Now Darcey was adopted at the age of 11 months and I don't think she had ever had a pair of panties by then.
In our kitchen, we had a taller table with stools where we have most of our meals. Annabel was telling how her Jiangxi Bobba had a REALLY TALL table with REALLY TALL chairs. Ours was almost short compared to her Jiangxi Bobba's.
When we were at the church in Denton, their teacher told me how Annabel said she had had lots of Mommas and Bobbas, including a white couple, some missionaries, and others. There is nothing documenting any of these "families". I'm not sure but that is the first time I had heard of any of this. She has told her teacher lots of intimate details about her life. I am glad she has a good friend who shares a common language to share this about her past. I am anxious for her to be able to share anything she wants with me. I just hope it is before she becomes a teenager and then doesn't want to share anything!!!
Peng sounds like pon yo is the pinyin for friend. There are accent marks but I don't know how to type them in here.
Friday afternoon we headed to Denton, which is not that far from Dallas. Denton was my home long before I thought of becoming a mom. I moved there while completing my masters degree and returned for a job at UNT. I had not been back since I moved to Dallas almost 9 years ago. It was where I bought my first house, met lifelong friends, and enjoyed the sense of a small town.
It seems like a lot of people have fallen in love with the smaller town too. Traffic was bumper to bumper the entire way. The girls were distracted by Barbie Island Princess and did not notice.
Our first stop was a drive by of my first house. In the dark, I was so surprised at how difficult it was to find. I thought I would always be able to zero in on this house forever. Grace understood but for Annabel explaining things like this are difficult. I guess it is probably difficult for Grace too. Life before her doesn't make sense!
Our next stop was my friend's house for dinner. It was so nice to see longtime friends. The girls were so impressed that they had a whole room dedicated to fun, they had never seen something like that. From a tv dedicated to Wii to a piano, and everything in between.
It was difficult to drag them away, but Annabel was anxious to get to our next destination - the Chinese church of their music teacher.
For a church service that began at 8:00 on Friday evening just steps away from a major state university, it was amazing to see so many college students there to worship. Every seat was taken. Of our trio, Annabel was the only one who understood what was going on but I felt it was important for us to provide this opportunity for her. The sermon was on a variety of philosphers and how their teaching falls short of the love of God. The woman sitting beside me explained that for many in attendance, they have been raised as atheists in an environment where saying the wrong thing has dire consequences.
After the service was dinner. The girls were thrilled with "homemade" Chinese food. Annabel described another breakfast favorite and someone translated it and told me how to prepare "porridge".
Getting home at midnight felt very late!!
Breakfast was the new porridge, a cup of rice, lots of water, and the rice cooker. I did not have one of the key ingredients, dried shredded pork. It was suggested I could use salted bacon, but opted for sliced ham instead. Annabel isn't sure I did it right, but after 3 bowls it must be good enough!!!
The girls went with Grandmother/Grandfather to visit aunts and uncles in Paris.
I stayed home because I had planned to work on a planter at the girls' school in memory of Jana. It is a huge mess overgrown with weeds, trash, and shrubs that are out of control. But before I could even start, I was stopped. To try to explain why I was not allowed to simply try to beautify an eyesore, I can't. I thought I had contacted all who were involved but at the last minute someone else put a stop to it.
I hope to have better news on this soon.
I received a call from a new friend in Canada. They have adopted an older daughter too and reading her blog seems like a reprint of mine. Our daughters are experiencing similar issues in their adjustments.
Although money is very tight, I had set up an appointment with the dog trainer to help with some HUGE problems we continue to deal with our dogs. I felt like I had taken my car to a mechanic. Our dogs were absolute angels sitting ready for their next command. The second she walked out the door, the barking and jumping started again. I think I should have taken notes.
This evening we visited another old friend. It was fun to reminisce about our performance on the three legged race. I think that was the one and only time I had practiced for an event and the only time I ever won.
They were clearing out clothes, toys, and accessories and my girls were able to find LOTS to love.
My daughters have broadened my circle and continue to bring old and new friends into our lives.
A child's imagination can be pretty funny.
When Gillian was about 4 she invented a complete baseball team. She had coach, Tasic, Luna, and several others on this team. On New Year's Eve while sitting in the back seat with her in her car seat, Gillian casually announced that Coach had called and there would be no practice tomorrow.
Darcey would tell us about what her Chinese mother had taught her such helpful things as tossing her panties across the room. Now Darcey was adopted at the age of 11 months and I don't think she had ever had a pair of panties by then.
In our kitchen, we had a taller table with stools where we have most of our meals. Annabel was telling how her Jiangxi Bobba had a REALLY TALL table with REALLY TALL chairs. Ours was almost short compared to her Jiangxi Bobba's.
When we were at the church in Denton, their teacher told me how Annabel said she had had lots of Mommas and Bobbas, including a white couple, some missionaries, and others. There is nothing documenting any of these "families". I'm not sure but that is the first time I had heard of any of this. She has told her teacher lots of intimate details about her life. I am glad she has a good friend who shares a common language to share this about her past. I am anxious for her to be able to share anything she wants with me. I just hope it is before she becomes a teenager and then doesn't want to share anything!!!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
It's been a while
This is the longest I have gone without posting and lots has gone on in a week.
Our country has made history with the election of a new president. This in some ways has caused a number of concerns for me. Not who was elected, but with Annabel's lack of comprehension of English, I did not try to explain the situation to her. Yet here she is living through history. I worry about when she will catch up. Social studies, science, are not being taught, other than what she can absorb through observation.
In their classroom they had a mock election last week.
The teacher strongly emphasized her choice of candidates which caused Grace considerable questions wanting to know who I planned to vote for, how would I decide, and just what did it all mean.
Grace knows little about the current president, but can tell you all about the Civil Rights Movement.
I have to admit, I just feel more pressure to make up for the "holes" in their education based on their lack of comprehension of English. I don't know if they can catch up. So many borrowed worries!!!
Annabel is seeing differences in her hearing.
She complains daily about things being too loud.
I don't know how long it has been since she could hear about of both ears. But this adjustment for her has been difficult.
Our first week without daylight savings time has been difficult.
Almost every night we have had errands to run, meetings to attend, doctor's and dentist's appointments. This has interferred with our bike riding. Which has interferred with working some of Annabel's energy out before bedtime.
Starting next week the girls will be able to participate in after school programs. For Annabel we chose basketball, golf, and tennis, along with computer. Grace chose Jeopardy, arts and crafts, computer, and science. I am so glad that Annabel will have the opportunity to explore some sports. She shouted Woo! Hoo! when we acted out basketball.
We plan to meet Ms. Wu tomorrow evening for a church meeting conducted in Chinese. Annabel can't wait! Hopefully we can also meet up with an old friend as well as do a drive by of my first home. A lot of memories in the town of Denton.
Part of my distraction this week has been an effort to set up a blog to record memories about my sister Jana who passed away almost 2 years ago. I still haven't accomplished that and need help in how to allow others to post to it. I have also identified a planter at the girls' school that needs a LOT of work and plan to do that this weekend. Balancing the present and the past while worrying about the future has worn me out this week.
I'm wondering if I post an email address on this blog if that would provide some of you a place to send us a message? I need more information before making that choice.
Our country has made history with the election of a new president. This in some ways has caused a number of concerns for me. Not who was elected, but with Annabel's lack of comprehension of English, I did not try to explain the situation to her. Yet here she is living through history. I worry about when she will catch up. Social studies, science, are not being taught, other than what she can absorb through observation.
In their classroom they had a mock election last week.
The teacher strongly emphasized her choice of candidates which caused Grace considerable questions wanting to know who I planned to vote for, how would I decide, and just what did it all mean.
Grace knows little about the current president, but can tell you all about the Civil Rights Movement.
I have to admit, I just feel more pressure to make up for the "holes" in their education based on their lack of comprehension of English. I don't know if they can catch up. So many borrowed worries!!!
Annabel is seeing differences in her hearing.
She complains daily about things being too loud.
I don't know how long it has been since she could hear about of both ears. But this adjustment for her has been difficult.
Our first week without daylight savings time has been difficult.
Almost every night we have had errands to run, meetings to attend, doctor's and dentist's appointments. This has interferred with our bike riding. Which has interferred with working some of Annabel's energy out before bedtime.
Starting next week the girls will be able to participate in after school programs. For Annabel we chose basketball, golf, and tennis, along with computer. Grace chose Jeopardy, arts and crafts, computer, and science. I am so glad that Annabel will have the opportunity to explore some sports. She shouted Woo! Hoo! when we acted out basketball.
We plan to meet Ms. Wu tomorrow evening for a church meeting conducted in Chinese. Annabel can't wait! Hopefully we can also meet up with an old friend as well as do a drive by of my first home. A lot of memories in the town of Denton.
Part of my distraction this week has been an effort to set up a blog to record memories about my sister Jana who passed away almost 2 years ago. I still haven't accomplished that and need help in how to allow others to post to it. I have also identified a planter at the girls' school that needs a LOT of work and plan to do that this weekend. Balancing the present and the past while worrying about the future has worn me out this week.
I'm wondering if I post an email address on this blog if that would provide some of you a place to send us a message? I need more information before making that choice.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
A lot of memories this weekend
Halloween on a Friday is a mother's wish or at least this mother's wish. I know bedtime will be delayed and even more difficult with too many pieces of candy!
When I adopted Grace, we returned home on October 3 with only 28 days to Halloween. For this little 6 year old, she embraced everything about it. We went to Target and bought the first of many costumes for that year. I was so shocked at how much the costumes cost and guessing what she would like that I initially bought a fairy princess dress up outfit. She wore it to Mom and Dad's early the next morning to also meet Uncle George.
The problem with the dress up outfits is that they are made for really young children. It was too small for Grace and too cold that morning, but there wasn't enough Chinese or English between us to convince her of that. It even came with little plastic slippers. I still have to laugh to myself at the thought. I was so inexperienced as a mom that I didn't take extra clothes and I actually thought I could come up with a costume that was cheaper. I've learned a lot since then.
I was determined though that we would not be out on October 30 looking for costumes and thank goodness we weren't. Annabel loved her angel outfit and I think it had the feel of something soft and luxurious to her with the feather trim. She tried it on LOTS of times, swirling around, dancing, and looking at herself in the mirror. We got Grace's Cleopatra costume from a neighbor. She too wanted something "elegant" and this fit the bill. A long soft purple dress trimmed with gold netting sleeves, Wow! I really wanted her to find a devil costume but the humor was lost on them.
But when it comes down to it, the purpose of Halloween is the trick or treating. There is nothing in China that is comparable to Halloween, no holiday where you go door to door dressed in costume asking people for candy! I did with Annabel like I did with Grace and we practiced ringing the door bell, saying "trick or treat", and then the reward of candy. This probably teaches a number of lessons that requires psychological intervention later!!!
Halloween was Jana's favorite holiday (next to her birthday). It will always be hard to face Halloween without thinking of her, but it also provides lots of great memories. Marcie and Drew have come to my rescue starting last year by planning out our path to ensure the greatest haul.
So our weekend started with dinner at Grandmother/Grandfather's house before setting off with Marcie and Drew for trick or treating. Grandmother made a big pot of soup that included the addition of rice. She knows her girls!
But another important lesson I learned with Grace is that passing out the candy is almost as much fun as getting the candy. I promised not to answer the door while they were gone so we did not run out of candy.
When they returned, Annabel took 2 small chairs from the house, set them up on the sidewalk, and then proceeded to holler, "Happy Halloween" every few minutes. Each guest was rewarded with candy, but Grace has learned to mete it out slowly making it last a LONG time. There was a lot of discussion between the two of them on the appropriate amount to give.
Annabel was so excited about the whole thing and again reminded me of Grace her first year. She was so sad if a passing car did not deliver children to our door. She hooped and hollered and Grace could not believe that SHE had ever been that way.
Saturday we visited a new school for next year. Our new Colorado friend, Holly, suggested looking into an IB school, which is an International Baccalaureate school. This one looks great and seems to be very ethnically diverse. I believe they have about 1300 students with a waiting list of 1700. Obviously others have found it to be great as well.
Annabel was upset that she would have to change schools but it was nice to find someone who could explain in Chinese so she could understand.
Then there was a church party at some friends' house. Annabel was excited to go to Beth and Josh's house and I kept thinking she remembered going there. But we had not been since she came home. BUT when we got through she could not believe they had WATER in their back yard! Yes, the pool water was chilly but she and Grace got almost as wet as if they had been swimming.
Books were due at the library and the only one with children's Chinese books is downtown. Across the street from where we parked used to be a restaurant that I went to often with co-workers. That was in the 80's and such a whole world away. I have lost touch with those co-workers but think of them often. How different my life would be if I had remained on that job. Most needed to anesthesize themselves with smoking and drinking to get through the stress. I'm so glad I got out of that environment.
The downtown library is a magnet for those with no where else to be on Saturday afternoon. It is a delicate balance trying to teach the girls to be aware of their surroundings, stay close, but not be afraid just because someone is different. Grace's big concern about returning to China was seeing the people begging on the street. But I want to instill empathy, responsibility, and care/concern while keeping themselves safe.
This morning it was hard to explain daylight savings time ending, but I knew we would end up at Chinese school and hoped someone could explain it there. I mean it is difficult enough to explain to someone who speaks English! I think Annabel thought we were tricking her into missing Chinese school.
We visited a church that I thought would have a large Chinese population. It seems the only member was actually from Taiwan and we met her in the parking lot.
Four years ago when I first adopted Grace, Jana dragged all of us there because she saw they had ESL classes for people who speak Chinese.
What we didn't know then were the only people speaking Chinese were the older adults. The kids all speak English and trying to learn Chinese. Of course just the opposite for us. But they were thrilled to see a young child who spoke Chinese and I can remember how scared Grace was with all coming at her, pinching her cheek, speaking loud and quickly asking a ton of questions. We didn't go back until today and it has changed so much.
We are making a concerted effort to ride our bikes each night.
This brings a ton of memories for me. I am back riding the same streets in the same neighborhoods. I just wish I still had my sting ray with a banana seat. We expand our ride a little more each night and sometimes I think I will just have to walk home! Tonight we took a wrong turn and ended up on a dead end street and had to go through the alley. I broke a promise I made a LONG time ago, to never ride my bike through the alleys. My cousin Dubby and I got in trouble for it one times. We would cruise up and down like we owned the neighborhood, but when our mothers found out we were using the alleys as short cuts, we got in trouble.
The girls were watching a Disney movie and it was emphasizing the combining of 2 worlds. That is what it feels like we are doing. My old memories combining with my new life with my daughters.
When I adopted Grace, we returned home on October 3 with only 28 days to Halloween. For this little 6 year old, she embraced everything about it. We went to Target and bought the first of many costumes for that year. I was so shocked at how much the costumes cost and guessing what she would like that I initially bought a fairy princess dress up outfit. She wore it to Mom and Dad's early the next morning to also meet Uncle George.
The problem with the dress up outfits is that they are made for really young children. It was too small for Grace and too cold that morning, but there wasn't enough Chinese or English between us to convince her of that. It even came with little plastic slippers. I still have to laugh to myself at the thought. I was so inexperienced as a mom that I didn't take extra clothes and I actually thought I could come up with a costume that was cheaper. I've learned a lot since then.
I was determined though that we would not be out on October 30 looking for costumes and thank goodness we weren't. Annabel loved her angel outfit and I think it had the feel of something soft and luxurious to her with the feather trim. She tried it on LOTS of times, swirling around, dancing, and looking at herself in the mirror. We got Grace's Cleopatra costume from a neighbor. She too wanted something "elegant" and this fit the bill. A long soft purple dress trimmed with gold netting sleeves, Wow! I really wanted her to find a devil costume but the humor was lost on them.
But when it comes down to it, the purpose of Halloween is the trick or treating. There is nothing in China that is comparable to Halloween, no holiday where you go door to door dressed in costume asking people for candy! I did with Annabel like I did with Grace and we practiced ringing the door bell, saying "trick or treat", and then the reward of candy. This probably teaches a number of lessons that requires psychological intervention later!!!
Halloween was Jana's favorite holiday (next to her birthday). It will always be hard to face Halloween without thinking of her, but it also provides lots of great memories. Marcie and Drew have come to my rescue starting last year by planning out our path to ensure the greatest haul.
So our weekend started with dinner at Grandmother/Grandfather's house before setting off with Marcie and Drew for trick or treating. Grandmother made a big pot of soup that included the addition of rice. She knows her girls!
But another important lesson I learned with Grace is that passing out the candy is almost as much fun as getting the candy. I promised not to answer the door while they were gone so we did not run out of candy.
When they returned, Annabel took 2 small chairs from the house, set them up on the sidewalk, and then proceeded to holler, "Happy Halloween" every few minutes. Each guest was rewarded with candy, but Grace has learned to mete it out slowly making it last a LONG time. There was a lot of discussion between the two of them on the appropriate amount to give.
Annabel was so excited about the whole thing and again reminded me of Grace her first year. She was so sad if a passing car did not deliver children to our door. She hooped and hollered and Grace could not believe that SHE had ever been that way.
Saturday we visited a new school for next year. Our new Colorado friend, Holly, suggested looking into an IB school, which is an International Baccalaureate school. This one looks great and seems to be very ethnically diverse. I believe they have about 1300 students with a waiting list of 1700. Obviously others have found it to be great as well.
Annabel was upset that she would have to change schools but it was nice to find someone who could explain in Chinese so she could understand.
Then there was a church party at some friends' house. Annabel was excited to go to Beth and Josh's house and I kept thinking she remembered going there. But we had not been since she came home. BUT when we got through she could not believe they had WATER in their back yard! Yes, the pool water was chilly but she and Grace got almost as wet as if they had been swimming.
Books were due at the library and the only one with children's Chinese books is downtown. Across the street from where we parked used to be a restaurant that I went to often with co-workers. That was in the 80's and such a whole world away. I have lost touch with those co-workers but think of them often. How different my life would be if I had remained on that job. Most needed to anesthesize themselves with smoking and drinking to get through the stress. I'm so glad I got out of that environment.
The downtown library is a magnet for those with no where else to be on Saturday afternoon. It is a delicate balance trying to teach the girls to be aware of their surroundings, stay close, but not be afraid just because someone is different. Grace's big concern about returning to China was seeing the people begging on the street. But I want to instill empathy, responsibility, and care/concern while keeping themselves safe.
This morning it was hard to explain daylight savings time ending, but I knew we would end up at Chinese school and hoped someone could explain it there. I mean it is difficult enough to explain to someone who speaks English! I think Annabel thought we were tricking her into missing Chinese school.
We visited a church that I thought would have a large Chinese population. It seems the only member was actually from Taiwan and we met her in the parking lot.
Four years ago when I first adopted Grace, Jana dragged all of us there because she saw they had ESL classes for people who speak Chinese.
What we didn't know then were the only people speaking Chinese were the older adults. The kids all speak English and trying to learn Chinese. Of course just the opposite for us. But they were thrilled to see a young child who spoke Chinese and I can remember how scared Grace was with all coming at her, pinching her cheek, speaking loud and quickly asking a ton of questions. We didn't go back until today and it has changed so much.
We are making a concerted effort to ride our bikes each night.
This brings a ton of memories for me. I am back riding the same streets in the same neighborhoods. I just wish I still had my sting ray with a banana seat. We expand our ride a little more each night and sometimes I think I will just have to walk home! Tonight we took a wrong turn and ended up on a dead end street and had to go through the alley. I broke a promise I made a LONG time ago, to never ride my bike through the alleys. My cousin Dubby and I got in trouble for it one times. We would cruise up and down like we owned the neighborhood, but when our mothers found out we were using the alleys as short cuts, we got in trouble.
The girls were watching a Disney movie and it was emphasizing the combining of 2 worlds. That is what it feels like we are doing. My old memories combining with my new life with my daughters.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Trick or treat!
Huge Thanks to Marcie and Drew (her boy according to Annabel. her husband to the rest of us) for taking the girls trick or treating. I know it was more fun than having Mom around and they probably went much further than I would.
Halloween photos
Here are some photos that Drew and I took while taking the girls trick or treating last night. Annabel was scared (although she did not want to show it). My hand hurt by the end of our journey because she would tighten her grasp on my fingers every time we would turn to go up a sidewalk. All in all, we had a great time. I'm sure they are already looking forward to next Halloween!
-Marcie
-Marcie
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