Grace and the decision she needed a sister

I can't help but look at Grace in amazement sometimes. If the situation had been reversed and somebody suddenly announced they were my mother, put me on a plane, and landed me in a strange country, I wonder how I would have reacted.

When we got home from our trip we had a nice crowd waiting on us even though it was 6:00 a.m. Mom fixed (obviously I'm from Texas or else she would have cooked) breakfast and then Grace and I headed home. I got distracted looking at the redo of my bath while I was gone and missed the "reveal" moment of Grace's bedroom. My lovely niece Marcie had cleared out the room, put her furniture together, and then decorated the walls with flowers. I had bought cute little lady bugs that climbed up the wall, because we all know that ladybugs are lucky, especially in China, right?

Gloria, whom I work with and proud momma of Lukas, was telling about her first time to be with Lukas alone. She didn't know whether to run and hide or tough it out. Of course she toughed it out and the bonding began. Now Grace and I were alone for the very first time, in our own home, and all I knew was that I needed a nap. Are you seeing a pattern here? But it was the first of many times we slept in her twin bed together. Much later she could finally tell me that the room scared her, especially the bugs crawling up the walls!

I had read lots of advice telling you not to leave your home for at least a month when you return, so your child will get comfortable with you, their home, and all the other changes. So the next morning when it was time for church, we got ready and went and completely ignored the experts. Grace was used to going to the Buddhist temple with her foster mother and showed us in China how to light the incense and kneel and pray with your head touching the ground actually more like hit your forehead to the ground.

Well we are Church of Christ and there was no incense or kneeling, certainly no giant Buddhas and monks. As a 6 year old, what would you think was going on? I'm sure we must have seemed very boring!

I had every intention of at least keeping Grace out of school for 2 weeks after we returned, though I went ahead and got her shots so we would be ready. I did a lot of research and found a doctor in the neighborhood who spoke Chinese. I thought this would be perfect. During the exam I asked what she was saying. He looked astonished and said he didn't know, he spoke Cantonese instead of Mandarin. Next came 3 women to hold her down and give her 6 shots. Oh my gosh I felt sick for her. I felt sick that I let them do it and I wasn't prepared for her not to understand what was going to happen. I felt so badly. I took her to a Chinese buffet, hoping to find anyone who would speak Chinese to her. NOBODY! How could I explain to this poor little child it was for her own good, even though she could barely walk?

We spent the next couple of days on the couch watching American cartoons, letting the pain and fever of the shots finally go down.

Then it was off to Target to get the bike I promised her since she had to leave hers in the orphanage in China. So here is the new mom, 6 year old child, who has been to church, had shots, scared of her room, and we try to buy a bike. They did not have her size. How can you explain that if you don't speak the same language?

We got into the car and I dialed my adoption agency as quickly as I could, hoping anyone could explain that we had multiple stores to choose from. I found someone who could speak to her in Chinese and explain the situation. She would listen to the person on the phone, but would not comment. We got to Wal Mart and they had just the right one. Thanks goodness!

We had to go through the intake department of DISD as she had no public school records. The form asked if we spoke the same language and of course I put no. The woman passing out the forms told me I had made a big mistake and it was too late to change it, so she would be in ESL. Then they took her and tested her, IN ENGLISH! I knew she could do multiplication because she had a whole notebook that she worked on. She could read and write Chinese, but they tested her in English. So she didn't score very well.

Within the first week she was begging to go to school, where GiGi was. Against my better judgment I let her go. Bless Michelle Touchet's heart! She had a whole class of ESL kids with Spanish being the primary language and in walks Grace who can't speak English or Spanish. I know Ms. Touchet is an excellent teacher and must have considerable patience, because it was no time before Grace began to improve and always loved going to school.

Against my older sister's advice, the educator, I enrolled Grace in Chinese school. I was soon having to bribe her to go each week. It had been drilled into me to help her maintain her ethnic heritage and thought this was one of the best ways. The students were primary first generation US citizens, as their parents had been born in China. The parents had hopes of instilling their primary language into their children.

Each week she brought home a huge stack of homework, where even the instructions were in Chinese. I finally got a co-worker, Sarah Choi, to come help. She was very surprised at the huge amount of work required. We muddled through that class and tried two more times. She was at such a disadvantage with no one around her were speaking Chinese, so how was she to learn it? I finally stopped insisting on the classes and that is when she really began to blossom in class. I had to admit my sister was right.

Sometime in those first two years, Jana and her husband began to talk about reconciliation. I knew this would devastate Grace to lose her "sisters". I started thinking seriously about adopting again. I guess it is like the pregnant women who enjoy being pregnant! I had really loved how this whole adoption thing was going!

I began to scour every adoption agency's waiting child list. Kids on waiting children list are there either because they are older and/or they have some disabling factor. I began to feel obsessed with it because my 50th birthday was looming in the not too distant future. At 50, many agencies will no longer work with you, especially if you are single. I followed each lead, anxiously looking for postings of waiting children.

Then by chance, I received the http://www.rainbowkids.com/ newsletter. There at the bottom of the age was Hong Wan Yun, from the same city as Grace, same special needs, and only eight months older. I sent an email that night to Gladney asking for more info.

Gladney agreed to work with me even though I was 50 and single. Two major strikes against me. For a while I kept all of this to myself as I knew most of my family did not think it was a good idea. Just don't ever try to get an 8 year old to keep a secret! It was like a breaking news alert from the newspaper for her!

If you are interested, check out Rainbow Kids. They do a fantastic job of listing waiting children from around the world and make searching for specific factors fairly easy.