The week in review and are we making progress?

Our social worker from the agency called on Friday to see how things were going.

I was honest and told her we had had some rough spots, then because she is such an empathetic person, I began telling her about what all had happened in a week.

At the end of the conversation I needed to take a deep breath.

It is hard to believe we came home just last Saturday and by this time we were in bed. Right now the girls are in the tub as I take a good friend's advice on how to cure all hurts! and you know what? She is right. Evidently you can't share a bath and stay hurt at each other. Maybe that should be part of couples counseling!

We started the whole week the way experts urge you NOT to, by going to church (exposure to large groups of people), Mom had her surgery, again exposure to large groups of people, my 2, actually 3 that I was counting on to help have been so sick this week and clearly not themselves.

Then we pursued the intake at the school district headquarters, a very LONG appointment that accomplished little except to note that she does not speak English.

It has been a hard week.

I have been so grateful for each meal provided and my kids wish I could cook as well! What's a person to do?

I have been so grateful for my wonderful retreat in my bedroom. It is truly a place of relaxation and calm.

I have been so grateful that my whole house was beautiful.

I have been so grateful to have my parents' next door.

I have been so grateful to have my nieces close by.

I thank God for all the many ways He has blessed me in ways so totally unexpected, ways so much better than I asked, yet has not changed the burdens we had to clear, but been by my side to assist.

I pray that I will allow Him to guide me rather than to think I have the best way.

Annabel had a very sad time again tonight. I felt it coming and then "splat", one of her words, she was sobbing so uncontrollably and I was at such a loss. She prefers anyone's company and comfort over mine, yet I am the one who must be there to provide the comfort as she grieves the loss of her life in China. All I can say is I promise it will get better.

Fleetingly I have the regrets and remorse that I did with Grace, questioning my judgement on such important matters.

Yet Grace has learned what life here can provide. She loved visiting China and at first teased she was planning to stay. But there was little doubt that she would return with me to the US.

There are times that living next door to your parents' can also be a problem as they see me struggle in trying to open the way and prepare a good life for my brood. To them they only see more worries and concerns and probably doubts about my decisions.

Yet when I finally got Annabel home, I chose not to leave her side.

I personally hate to cry alone.

I decided she needed to know I was with her, good and bad.

She sobbed and tearfully cried for her Momma/Bobba, mostly Bobba.

Although I don't have a clue what she is saying I wonder as an 11 year old if she is not promising to be good if they will let her return. To do the things they asked. I almost feel like she is pleading for them to give her another chance.

But her Momma and Bobba faced a difficult decision and allowed her to be available for adoption.

This Momma and Bobba are her foster parents, who held a very important role in her very young life. But they were also older and although they did not appear "poor" they were not able to care for her along with their birth daughter and her son.

Things are complicated.

Life is complicated.

For an 11 year old life should be easy, life should not require that someone else is making life changing decisions for them.

The social worker and I commiserated about the difficulties that all 4 of my girls have had to face.

I know in 11 years the only difficulty I faced was losing a grandfather, who in my memory was very old and sick.

I did not lose a birth mother, I did not lose a foster mother, and then for my nieces, I did not lose my "forever" mother.

Tonight Annabel finally stopped crying.

Ollie and Nina, the strange mutts we adopted, wanted to be with her.

They came so close to losing their home just before we left. But I chose to keep them, in spite of their faults, sometimes inappropriate behavior, and the $$$$ associated with their boarding.

Ollie/Nina, as Annabel calls them, came and jumped on her bed. They know she will pet them until her arm gives way. She will plant a kiss on their head. She will scratch Ollie's tummy until his leg and now his arm show the pleasure of this affection.

Then she began to use Ollie as a guitar.

For some reason I thought it would be an easy thing for Grace to involve Annabel in music, since both seem to share an interest.

Grace has this crazy guitar that plays songs, talks to you, and plays the scales that I originally bought for Darcey. Jana begged me not to give it to her. Their place at the time was so small and this was so loud.

It has been one of the best "dumb" presents I have ever bought.

Again tonight I got the guitar so she did not have to try to make Ollie be a guitar.

She was immediately entranced.

I did not have to show her what to do. She knew.

She figured out each button and what it would do.

When she kept trying to play the scales on it, I brought down a keyboard.

This is a keyboard I bought for my Grandmother when she began showing signs of dementia.

I could remember as a child watching her try to pick out any song on our old piano, where the majority of the keys stuck and was probably never tuned.

As an adult I thought it might bring her pleasure even to hit the keys to hear the melody.

When she was no longer able to live alone, she gave it to Dad.

My father is a gifted singer who cannot read music and has never had formal training.

The keyboard sat behind their bedroom door until I made a huge discovery with Grace.

While shopping at Sams within a month of her entrance to the US, she wanted me to pick her up to reach a keyboard.

When I did, she shocked me.

For anyone who has ever taken piano they know the first thing you learn is how to hold your fingers. She put her fingers in the correct position and began to play, "Frere Jacques" or "Are you sleeping".

I thought I must truly have adopted a child prodigy.

We called from Sams and asked if they had the same keyboard. Yes, but it needed batteries.

So we stopped at the dollar store and bought batteries.

When we got to Grandmother and Poppa's, Grace sat down with the keyboard and began to play. It was incredible and I hope a memory I never lose. I wished my grandmother could have seen her great granddaughter playing the keyboard I had bought for her.

Tonight, I got out the same keyboard.

Annabel is no stranger to a keyboard either.

She worked and played diligently what sounded like the same song. I sat quietly and listened.

She tried mixing the keyboard and the guitar, but they weren't on the same page!!!

She tried every button on the keyboard but would come back to the melody she originally played.

From there I introduced the magnetic letters, trying to spell "It's fun!" one of the things the guitar shouts out!

She was intrigued.

She began looking for letters.

I thought she was looking for the alphabet so I offered a B after she placed her A.

NO!

She kept looking until she found what she wanted and proceeded to spell, "Annabel".

Within an hour I went from my heart breaking for the loss my new daughter was feeling to pride that she knew her new name.

Grace finally was brave enough to peek back in.

It seems like we have turned a page. The idea of a bath seemed the best I could come up with and so they have splished and splashed, blowing bubbles, transforming each other with Silly Bubbles.

I am tired and owe apologies to my family. My parents are worried. My nieces are worried.

I worry that I have caused my niece and daughter to have upset stomachs.

Seems like I need more prayers.